Page 123 of Sinner's Perdition

“I haven’t seen that expression, and I’ve studied your face enough to know it’s not good. Whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong.”

With trembling fingers, I pick up the dress from the floor. I’ve cried so much these last few days, there are no tears left. All that’s left is the silent mourning for what we could have had.

I turn around and say over my shoulder, “A part of me wanted to test your love . . . It’s okay . . . why would you want someone like me?” My father didn’t. Daddy issues here, a pile of them.

He sucks the air from the room, his expression so icy it freezes the particles.

“What do you fucking expect me to do after what you did?”

I see him fighting with himself, a battle over me. I swallow, owing it to him the easy way, and say, “I am sorry. You were the best surprise of my life . . . thank you for everything, and I hope another woman can give you what I couldn’t.”

What did I expect? For him to love me back after I betrayed his trust? Hug me, and tell me we’re going to be fine? No, this is my king of wrath, he wouldn’t know any different. I force myself not to go to him, hug him, and tell him if he would just meet me in the middle, I would spend my life next to him.

Instead, I tiptoe outside and leave him behind.

Chapter 30

A bargain. I’ve gained her back through a bargain, and it means shit to me. She would have left. She closes the door behind her, and I yank at my hair. The talk I had with Kieran blares in my head.

“We need queens at our sides and not traitors. My wife is loyal. She almost died to give yours a way out. Your wife is loyal to no one but herself. Do you think our lives will get easier; our enemies fewer? I planted a fucking chip in Aurora and gave her the password to mine. But I did what I had to do for her to understand that if she stays, then this will be her life.” He points at Chiara. “That woman will never accept the lengths you would have to go to protect her, to keep her safe. Let her fucking go.”

“Would you have let Aurora go?”

“I didn’t have to.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I almost lost her because I wanted to keep her by force, but no man could ever hold a woman by force and think she is his. Let her go.”

“She’s my wife. Marriage is for life.”

“Yes, but we could also make someone disappear if we want. There are loopholes, and you know . . . We could fake her death, and she could disappear to live her life somewhere else.”

I was so fucking ready to take her up on her offer, but my not being worthy of her and her deserving a choice changed that. She could have been hurt, or killed, because she wanted to leave. And Kieran’s words cemented what I never thought I’d be able to do—let her go. She wants freedom, and fuck if I don’t love her enough to give her that. No more chaining her to me.

Chiara won’t change my mind, even though I don’t understand what she’s playing at this time. I can’t let myself be that weak again, especially with the one woman who has the capacity to rip me apart. I told her the truth. She never wanted to listen and now she comes back and wants me to forget the biggest treachery of my life.

I watch my hand, still seeping with blood. Only for the woman I love would I do what I did, cashed in both of my favors.

I search for the guys and find all three of them drinking in Hayden’s office.

I am so wired up; I grab the entire bottle.

They stare at me but return to the plan. What happened in the last few days can never get out to the public. So, we concoct a believable enough story of a fishing trip gone wrong, engine explosion—just a damn accident.

Cameron squeezes my shoulder.

“I’m fine.”

“Sure.”

He doesn’t buy my lie. I won’t be fine. Not as long as I want her with every breath I take. Without her, everything else is meaningless.

I leave them and tiptoe into the guest room. Her face is tilted toward the moon as she rocks herself. Get inside, take her, forget about giving her freedom. But I can’t.

She snaps her head to me, and those eyes that have brought me to my knees stare at me. I feel her love for me in them, and I turn around, shutting myself off.

“My father has this basement.”

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