Page 86 of The Boy I Once Hated

I chew on my lower lip, unable to find the right words to say that can persuade him to change his mind even if only for my sanity’s sake.

“Are you sure?” I question after an excruciating pause.

He nods.

I swallow dryly, feeling completely unequipped to do what he wants. I was all prepared to make him squirm a little while I pretended his hair wasn’t safe in my hands, or even hint that if he didn’t sit remotely still that there was a good chance the scissors would slip through my fingers and nick his precious neck, but not once did I ever consider following through with the threat.

And now here he is, giving me permission to cut away a piece of his essence.

Like it’s nothing.

Like his golden halo hasn’t haunted my dreams.

“I don’t think I can do it,” I tell him truthfully.

My very first memory of Noah was of how awestruck I was with his ocean eyes hiding beneath such stunning long hair, and over the years, his glorious mane just grew as wild and untameable as the boy himself.

It’s one of the things that make Noah, Noah.

No matter how much I’ve hated him in the past, I couldn’t be responsible for destroying such a significant part of him. I’d feel like Delilah stealing Samson’s strength away. Noah’s long, luxurious blond locks are part of his identity. Cutting them away might change him somehow, and I’m not sure how I would feel about that.

I’m still struggling with what to do when I feel his arm snake around my waist and pull me closer to his side. I lower my gaze to his and stop breathing. There is such a vulnerability in his gaze, a rawness I’ve only seen once before. In my room, just seconds away before he kissed me.

“I wantyouto do it. You, Sky.”

With another dry swallow, I offer him a meek nod and try to tap into all the courage I have.

This is his choice.

It’s what he wants.

The least I can do is respect it.

I don’t owe him anything, but my heart says I owe him this much.

When he drops his arm from around my waist, I walk behind him, praying that I don’t fuck this up. With trembling hands, I brush his hair again with a comb and position the scissors right at the base of his neck. I close my eyes and take in a deep breath before opening them up again and performing the first cut. When a quarter of his hair falls to my feet, the corner of my eyes start to sting with unshed tears. I bite into my inner cheek to keep my sobs at bay as I go back to repeat the action. A tear falls down my cheek when another batch of hair falls to the floor, pooling at my feet.

It’s on the second cut that I feel his hands fall back and hold on to my calves as if he needs to be tethered to the ground, too, and not give in to this unexpected feeling of loss that is consuming me and threatening to eat me whole. My body trembles as I grab the last string of long locks. My tears are free-falling now, making my vision too blurry to see straight. I wipe my tears away with my forearm, seeing them drench the sleeve of his leather jacket. I lean into him and take a whiff of his scent, giving me the courage to finish this once and for all. It’s only when I cut the last batch of hair, that I step back and drop the scissors from my hand on a loud thud as if they had been burning me all throughout.

“It’s done. It’s done,” I cry.

When Noah turns around in his chair, that’s when I see that he’s crying too.

“Come here, Sky.”

I don’t question his command; I just throw myself at him, sitting on his lap and cradling my head in the crook of his neck, letting my tears fall on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I sob.

“Shh. It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. It was time. It was time,” he repeats on a loop, rubbing my back soothingly with his hand.

He lets me cry my fill, while I try to comprehend why I’m feeling like this. Like I just forced him to lose a part of himself. A part that he had been desperately trying to keep a hold on to.

“I’m glad it was you,” he whispers in my ear, before tilting my chin up to look at him. “It had to be you.”

“Why?” I croak, licking the tears from my lips.

“Because,” he starts softly, wiping my tears with his thumbs, “it’s just like you said. You might be the only one who truly knows me, Sky. Knows how significant this was to me.”

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