Page 6 of Gin and Lava

“You’re too funny!” she hiccups between snorts of laughter, gripping the side of the highboy table we’re standing next to. Through Flambé’s picture window I can see Olivia dancing with her guests, and maybe even Arie and Connor finally taking a load off from catering to join in the festivities. We’re definitely in that final part of the reception where everyone gets piss-ass drunk and decides who they’re going home with to fuck.

For me, it looks like I’m a shoe-in for Nanna Reese if she’s the type to ditch fifty years of marriage for a dirty-joke-slinging fling. At least the woman thinks I’m hilarious. I rack my brain for another one-liner, never expecting to be lacking in the dirty joke department, but here I am.

“Is Nanna laughing or having a seizure?” Ned asks, walking up from behind me and giving me a scowl. He’s unsure if he needs to extricate me from his grandmother-in-law or hand me a medal. “Are you amusing her or traumatizing her?”

“Hey,” I shrug. “I just keep telling my normal jokes, and she’s laughing like I’m the funniest man in the world.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Ned states, reaching over and taking the nearly empty champagne glass from her hand. “Nanna? How many of these have you had?”

“Not as many as him,” Nanna points to me with a grin.

“Nanna!” I chide, clutching my champagne glass to my chest like she’s broken my heart. “You aren’t supposed to out me like that. I thought we had something special.”

“How many haveyou had?” Ned asks, looking at me like I might set the reception on fire.

“Enough to enjoy the evening,” I reply defensively. “I’m still standing up, aren’t I?”

“Standing?” Ned gripes. “Is that your line for sobriety? The fact that you can still walk?”

“I know it won’t hold up in court,” I agree, aware he’s about to lawyer-talk me. “But it’s a lot better than crouching over a toilet with Smurf-colored vomit.”

Ned’s face darkens. Nowthatwas a night. We were barely of drinking age and Ned was the one who massacred an entire Smurf’s village worth of Blue Hawaiians.

“We don’t talk about that night,” Ned grumbles, looking at his grandmother-in-law like he’s done something illegal. “Especially on my wedding day and in front of my in-laws.”

“Just putting things in perspective,” I say, giving him a faux-smile. “And that’s the least of the stories I’m going to tell Nanna.”

“That’s right!” Nanna practically punches Ned in the chest. “Mason’s promised to give me all the dirt. He’s starting to make me wonder if Olivia married the wrong man.” Nanna puts an arm around my shoulder like she’s found a prize stallion.

I’ll take it.

“Nanna, you think trading up is Mason?” Ned says in horror.

“Wow!” I chide. “I know you just got married, but damn, that’s a low blow!”

Ned shrugs. “Was that the hurricane blowjob joke I heard you delivering when I walked up,” he asks, ready to lay out all his evidence and defense. Fucking lawyers.

“A joke Nanna loved!” I counter, squeezing Nanna’s shoulders affectionately. “At least someone thinks I’m prime chuck.”

Nanna pinches Ned in agreement. “You need to bring your funny friend here over to our house when you and Olivia visit,” Nanna instructs. “He’s more fun than you. You’re a stick-in-the-mud.”

“Did you slip her something?” Ned asks me, not believing any of this.

“No,” I reply incredulously. “She just thinks I’m hilarious. Which is a nice breath of fresh air, considering everyone else thinks I’m an ass.”

“Youarean ass.”

“Whom you love.”

“I don’t know,” Ned says, shaking his head. “If you didn’t know me since I was thirteen-years-old and have twenty years of dirt on me, I’d probably have ditched you a long time ago.”

“You’re a lawyer,” I shoot back. “You know how restraining orders work. If you wanted to get rid of me you could’ve done it already.”

“True,” Ned says, frowning. “Damn. What’s that say about me?”

“It means funny man is a good friend,” Nanna says, defending my honor.

“I guess.” Ned looks at me, surprisingly sentimental.

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