Page 69 of Gin and Lava

“Look, I’d be the last to judge you for screwing around,” Connor says, splashing water in my direction. “But as a former playboy who’s now pussy whipped, things feel different when you want more.”

“I don’t want more,” I say for what feels like the umpteenth time.

“Okay, what happens when this ends?” Ned asks, in true kill-all-happiness fashion. “Or what happens when you both succeed in making her ex-boyfriend jealous? What if he wants her back? What if she wants him back? Are you okay with that?”

“I mean, it’ll suck,” I admit.

“Exactly.”

“But mostly in the my-dick-won’t-get-any-more-action department,” I clarify. “Which is going to happen anyway. Hence, fuck-buddy status. Why is this so hard for you two ivy-league boys to understand?”

“Because we both fell in love,” Connor says plainly.

“So, I won’t fall in love. Duh.” I splash him back cause that should be obvious.

“That was overly defensive,” Connor says to Ned, and I roll my eyes because they’re about to play the lawyer game.

Ned nods. “The defendant is displaying wild hand gestures and is acting out.”

“He’s claimed he isn’t emotionally involved multiple times,” Connor adds.

“He’s rationalizing, rather than thinking with his dick.”

“Particularly suspicious for this defendant.”

“Refuses to plead guilty.”

“Has had his dick caught in the cookie jar multiple times.”

“And he’s delusional enough to think he can extract himself without getting scathed.”

Ned and Connor both look at me like this is an air-tight case.

“Say all your bullshit,” I defend, splashing them with my wild hand gestures. “I’m not sayingnoto Naomi.”

“We know,” Connor confirms with a shrug.

“Then why the stupidLaw and Orderrundown?” I grumble.

“Because at some point,” Ned says, his tone getting serious again. “You’re going to have to draw a line with her. She knows you like her more than she likes you, and she’ll take advantage.”

“This is a mutually beneficial arrangement,” I spell out.

“Maybe,” Ned agrees, but I know that’s just a tactic to make me feel temporarily at ease, before he goes for the jugular. Sometimes it really sucks to have lawyers as best friends. “But I don’t trust her to not push that line in her favor. She’ll take every advantage you give her.”

“Sheisa hot Viking Princess,” I say.

“Which she’ll use to get her way.”

“And we all know I’m not morally, or emotionally equipped to saynoto Naomi pussy,” I gripe, tired of being badgered for who I am. “I will eat the cake as long as the cake is asking me to lap it up.”

“The cake doesn’t care about your heart,” Ned warns again.

“Then I’ll stop when my heart gets involved,” I snip out.

“Promise.”

“No,” I shoot back.

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