Page 67 of Gin and Lava

“That explains the red truck.”

“I’m not that mysterious, Mason.”

“Okay, two, tell me the deal with Trifecta. What do I actuallyneed to know?”

She frowns.

“Fine,” she concedes with a heavy breath, not wanting to tell me, but I’m not going to let it slide. “It was your classic: I was into him more than he was into me …”

19

NAOMI

NAOMI AND MASON’S ARRANGMENT

(For you, Mason, to memorize. Once you’ve committed it to memory, burn this document).

THE RULES

1. Connor, Ned, and Esme get to know the truth.

2. Only tasteful PDA*. Aka: kissing, touching non-private areas, holding hands, etc.

*No pulling your cock out in public, Mason!

3. Nobody plays dumb. You’re smart. Own it.

4. I, Naomi, will answer anyneed-to-knowquestions when asked. Inappropriate questions will be met with Viking Princess violence.

5. Mason, you, can be yourself (this includes swearing, dirty comments, and wearing naughty-Hawaiian couture**).

**Look up this word if you don’t know it. Use your smarts.

6. I must also be myself (no acting weird, else you, Mason, will open a can of Aikido-whoop-ass. You’re also allowed to make a big scene if I fail to live up to my normal Naomi-ness (whatever that is) and the forewarned breakup will include Mason telling everyone I haveThe Herp***).

***For the record, I don’t have herpes.

7. Sex = yes, if both parties are still interested in having it (consent matters).

* * *

NAOMI AND MASON’S FAKE LOVE STORY

(in eight easy-to-remember bullet points)

Naomi and Mason hooked up a couple weeks after Naomi’s breakup with Sam (affectionately known as Trifecta). It was rebound sex, because fuck Trifecta (or more literally, fuck Mason). Timeline: Early December. It happened in my big red monster truck (because let’s keep things easy to remember, and we both remember how that first time went). There was mistletoe involved. Let people infer the rest.

One hook-up led to another hook-up. It was just sex … until it wasn’t.

There were feeeeeelings. The mooshy, gooshy, lets-write-bad-80s-rock-ballads-about-them kind of feelings. (Make up your own story about how/when you knew you were into me, and I’ll make up mine).

We started secretly dating about four months ago. Nobody knew, not even our close friends. If you need a timeline, we decided to be exclusive around Valentine’s Day. But notonValentine’s Day, because that would be too cheesy (your words, not mine).

We realized we were in love. (Again, make up your own story about how/when you felt “heart fireworks” as Olivia’s Nanna calls them). If anyone asks who said “I love you” first, obviously it was you. It probably happened during sex, which makes most people stop asking questions.

You proposed on top of Diamond Head Crater, because your love for me was volcanic. Side note: Diamond Head hasn’t erupted in over a hundred thousand years, so in actuality, your volcano metaphor sucks. But this is a fake relationship, so let’s just go with it.

I don’t have a ring yet, because I’m designing my own ring (which I am actually doing so we can make this seem plausible). You didn’t have a ring when you proposed, you were inspired by the moment.

---