Page 18 of Gin and Lava

I’m used to being single, but clearly she’s not. Heck, this is probably a wild n’ crazy blip on her track record of perfection.

“Yeah, about that,” I say, turning to look at her with a suspicious frown. “How is it possible thatyou’resingle? I mean, me? We all get why I’m single. But you? There’s something here that doesn’t track.”

Naomi glances at me quickly and her hands tighten on the steering wheel. She whips her attention back on the road, but I see the tremor of discomfort shoot through her. I narrow my eyes and wait, but she doesn’t say anything. In fact, she’s quiet for so long, I start to think something serious happened, and I’m the a-hole poking at a wound that I shouldn’t.

“Of course,” I say loudly, clapping my hands together like I’ve discovered her secret. “You have herpes, don’t you?”

She busts into a smile. It breaks the tension so she doesn’t have to tell me the real reason, and the sudden smile on her face shouldn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy, but it does.

Alcohol.

I swear the booze is making me think all sorts of weird things.

“Yup,” I continue. “You’re hot as sin, but you’ve got the herp. That tracks.”

“You found me out,” she says, going along with the joke. “It’s a curse, I know. No respectable guy wants to get near my—”

She motions below.

“Near your diseased pussy?” I say.

“Jesus, Mason!” She laughs, even though I’ve definitely taken it a step too far.

“Hey,” I shrug, as she turns up the side street at the base of the mountain that winds up to my house. “That’s the universe balancing out the order of things. Right? You can’t be as hot as you are without something cramping your style.”

“I guess.”

“Fair is fair. I mean, look at me.” I point to my face. “I’m not going to win any beauty contests. But man, do I have the tongue of a poet.”

“Are you referring to your cunnilingus skills or the special way you turn a phrase?” Naomi asks.

“Did you just say cunt linguist skills? Because I’m going to go with that one.”

“Cunnilingus?” Naomi looks at me skeptically. “There’s no way in all of Hawaii you don’t know that word.”

“I’m a visual learner, Naomi,” I say, feigning innocence. “You might have to show me how that fancy word works.”

She looks at me with a smirk. “You shouldn’t play dumb, Mason,” she chides. “It’s not becoming on a young man.”

“But I want you to feel powerful,” I say, spouting off some feminist BS. “I want you to know that I’m not a threat, and you’re welcome to emasculate me with your impressive female prowess. And by feminine prowess, I mean—”

“Suck your cock?”

I shrug. “You define the terms, Naomi. If that makes you feel powerful, I’m not going to stop you.”

“Now you’re just being a dick.”

“Yes, but in a world where I have very few assets, it’s usually my big dick that’s the most likely to impress.”

“I’ll bet,” she says mockingly, giving me an eyeroll.

“You won’t know unless you try it.”

“And you’re feeling lucky tonight, Mason?”

“The universe works in mysterious and enema-magical ways.”

“Enigmatic,” she corrects.

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