Page 150 of Gin and Lava

“Shut up!” I bark, pointing at him. Only, lifting my arm feels like my flesh is tearing off, and I make a pathetic whimpering sound that pretty much means I’m going to roll in a vat of aloe jelly and drown myself. “I’ll be in my office.”

“You need some aspirin? Maybe some ice?” Brad offers, concerned.

“Just do your job!”

“No need to be overly macho, dude,” Brad replies. “That looks serious.”

“I’m seriously going to punch you in the dick if you don’t piss off,” I snap, and Brad backs off, lifting up his hands.

“Whatever, man.”

I ignore him and swerve into my office, picking up my phone and taking a photo of my pomegranate red chest. I text the photo to the Voss brothers, and I’m about to ask if they have any lotion or aloe when Connor beats me to the punch.

Connor:If you’re going to send a dick pic next, you’ve got the wrong number.

Mason:That’s my chest, asshole.

Connor:Again. Wrong number. I’m not your blonde Viking.

Mason:I was going to ask for aloe.

Connor:Which you should be asking your fake girlfriend to be smearing all over your sunburnt cock. Not me.

Mason:It’s over. We broke up.

Connor:Oh …

Connor:Was it a big over-the-top thing? Was it convincing? Was the sunburn part of the breakup scheme?

Mason:No, we didn’t FAKE break up. We REAL broke up. Like we’re not talking anymore.

Connor:Shit.

Mason:It’s over. Like over over.

Three little dots show up on my screen with Ned’s name next to them, which means Ned’s been “listening” and finally has two cents to share. Probably a lecture on how he told me so.

One-two-three dots.

One-two-three dots.

They disappear.

Then they show up again.

Ned is such a putz. He’s wanted me to end this since it started, and now that I have, he hasn’t a clue what to say about it.

Mason:I’m fine, Edwin. No need to write me a gloating speech.

Ned:I wasn’t going to do that.

Connor:That sunburn doesn’t look like you’re fine.

Mason:That sunburn feels like a thousand band-aids were pulled off my skin at the same time.

Ned:Are there blisters? Do you need to go to the emergency room?

Mason:It’s nothing multiple hot, naked, non-blonde women can’t fix by rubbing ice and aloe vera all over me.

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