Page 139 of Gin and Lava

“No, the girl had to handcuff herself to you to get your attention,” I toss back.

“And Naomi’s the opposite. She doesn’t have to do anything to get yours,” Ned says. “She bats her eyelashes and you bend over and take it.”

“I like it when she bends me over,” I say. “That girl does yoga. You’ve got no clue how fun a flexible girl can be.”

“Sounds like she’s stringing you along,” Connor says, nodding for us to continue up the trail.

“It’s not like that,” I defend. “We’re not—she doesn’t want to go to the wedding alone.”

“Oryoudon’t want her to go to the wedding alone,” Ned says, following his brother up the trail in front of me.

“Look,” I explain, “if I’m there, then Naomi has an easy out if she decides she’s not interested in Sam.”

“Cause you’re the Mother-fucking-Teresa of friends,” Connor jabs. “When exactly did you stop making pussy jokes and decide to hand Naomi your balls on a silver platter?”

“The second she decided to sleep with him,” Ned replies.

“Yeah, I’m sure you were pussy whipped by Olivia the second she sat on your desk with that tart between her legs!” I shoot back.

“That’s my wife!” Ned growls. “We don’t talk about that story!”

“Your hot, bang-able wife who has a naughty side,” I say as Connor laughs. He and Arie put Olivia up to that stunt. And it worked, Ned and Olivia did just tie the knot.

“Here’s my question,” says Connor. “Why does Naomi need an easy out at the wedding? If she doesn’t want to be with Sam, then she won’t be. She’s an adult. She doesn’t need you as a buffer.”

“Or,” Ned jumps back into the conversation, “you could just tell Naomi you’re in love with her and forget this whole charade.”

“What?” I glare at Ned. “I’m not—”

“No?” Ned asks, not buying it. “You sure about that?”

“I mean, she’s awesome,” I admit. “But we’re just friends. She’s a friend I care about.”

“You and I are friends,” Connor says. “But we don’t fuck.”

“Because you have a cock,” I throw back.

“Wait,” Connor gives me a leery smile. “You’re not into cock? But what about all the penis shirts?”

I glare at him.

“You’re friends with benefits,” Ned says. “But you’re also in love with her.” Ned looks back at me with that lawyer face that saysI’m going to trap you in your own argument in a second.

“We have fun!” I say, exacerbated. “I know she’s out of my league. Duh! Which is why it’sjust fun. End of story. That’s all Naomi and I will ever be. Whichboth of youpointed out when this started.”

“Except,” Ned continues, cool as a damn cucumber while I’m huffing my way up this mountain. “You fell in love with her.”

“I’m not—”

“It’s on your face every time you look at her,” Ned says, and Connor nods.

“True,” Connor agrees, motioning between him and his brother as he says, “take it from two cocks who are totally pussy whipped. You’ve got it bad.”

“What?” I stare at them, incredulous. “You come to this conclusion because—what? I haven’t hit my quota of raunchy jokes about threesomes with Naomi and the bride?”

“That too,” Connor says, raising his eyebrows like that’s further evidence.

“Point is,” Ned persists, “if you tell her, then at least she can’t jerk you around anymore. She can’t play pretend. Not if she really is your friend and a half-way descent person. She can’t just ignore you if you tell her this means something to you. And if she keeps pretending, then she’s a bitch. Or maybe she might actually admit she has feelings for you too.”

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