Page 131 of Gin and Lava

“That too,” Shauri admits. “Sam isn’t a saint. And yes, he let himself get wrapped up in work. Sometimes that’s easier for him than thinking about how to talk to you.”

“Work was always easier for him than our relationship,” I snap. “It’s been six months, Shauri. That’s half a year. It’s half the time we were together.”

“He needed space for a while,” Shauri defends. “After all, he did break up with you because he was overwhelmed.”

You’re too clingy.

You’re too much.

You love too intensely, too overwhelmingly. You wear your heart on your sleeve. You’re like your mom. You found a good deal and you showed how desperately you wanted to keep him.

“But—” Shauri jumps in before I derail, the hot sun filling me like a gun with powder. “Sam realized he was lonely without you. How empty his life was when it was only his career. He misses you. But yes, obviously, he messed up. I mean, as much as we’d like our lives to be romantic comedy films, in real life dudes don’t chase girls to the airport. They stew. They get in their heads. They make bad decisions.”

“Why are you telling me this and not him?” I ask, feeling kicked in the gut. This is all new information, and I don’t know how to process it.

Sam misses me?

Sam regrets breaking up?

“Look, you asked, and I’m drunk,” Shauri points out, holding a hand up so I don’t get on my high horse. “You know alcohol makes me chatty, which is why you took me on this little jaunt on the beach. You knew what you were doing.”

That’s true. I knew the alcohol would loosen her tongue. I almost laugh at how spot on she is, except my gut is tied in the world’s biggest clusterfuck of confusion.

Sam wants me back? Is that what she’s saying? Is that why he’s been such an asshole to Mason? Is that why hewatchedme with Mason?

“In my defense,” Shauri says, snagging my elbow to keep herself upright as the watery sand keeps shifting beneath us. “I haven’t said a word to you until right now. And that’s because Sam was supposed to figure himself out and talk to youhimself. I’ve been a listening board for him, someone he could talk things out with until he found the courage to approach you again. I was always pulling for you two. That’s the truth. I guess, I thought talking to Sam was the best way to support you and help you get back together.”

“That’s weirdly sweet,” I admit to her. It’s one-hundred percent a Shauri move to do something so convoluted. In her eyes, she was on my side the whole time, even though the truth is she doesn’t know my side at all.

“Sam still cares about you, Naomi. A lot.” Her eyes go soft and sentimental. “But he’s scared, so he kept putting off contacting you. Plus, his job is crazy. Not that it should be an excuse. And before he knew it, everyone was coming to Hawaii for my wedding. It just seemed like the perfect reunion, you know. It was an inevitable meeting point when you both would see each other again. So …”

Shauri motions back in the direction we came in.

“Except—” I say, because there is a great big fake boyfriend back in that beach house that I’ve been sleeping with.

“Right.” Shauri nods, swallowing a hiccup. “None of us knew about Mason. You kept that super quiet.”

I avoid throwing the barb that she never called. “It was a secr—”

“Secret,” Shauri finishes, nodding. “Yeah, we know.”

I wipe sweat from my brow. The sun is merciless.

“Look, I’m not innocent in all this,” Shauri confesses. “I should’ve called you. If I had, I would’ve known you were in a relationship and …” Shauri blinks at me with sadness in her eyes, the alcohol really taking its toll on her sentimental side. “If you’re happy with Mason, that’s great. He’s nothing like Sam, and maybe that’s good. He’s hilarious and wild, and you seem … different with him.”

Different? What does that mean? Different good? Or different because that’s the only polite word she can think of?

“I mean, you guys are engaged!” Shauri continues. “Which is fast, and crazy, and not what I’d expect, but I’ve been MIA for six months so, I’ll own that. But—” Shauri gives me a weak smile before reaching over to squeeze my arm. “I’m always going to be team Sam. I mean, teamyouand Sam,” she corrects. “That’s just wheremyheart is. But if yours isn’t …”

I reach over and pat her hand. She’s genuinely been pulling for me and Sam since we broke up, that’s clear.

“Sam should’ve talked to you earlier,” Shauri says. “That’s his fault. But I can’t help but wonder if you knew how he felt, if—” She motions to the beach house again “—maybe there’d be no Mason.”

Suddenly, I wonder what would’ve happened too, and if I want to allow that crack of possibility in. I walk out of the water and the sand sticks to my ankles in a thick film. Like the truth, it sticks like an ugly silt.

Sam regrets breaking up.

What am I supposed to do with that? For months, I wanted nothing else. And this whole charade with Mason was to make him jealous—which it has.

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