Page 19 of The Problem With Pretending

GRACE: So you’re saying it’s in two weeks.

ME: Technically the wedding is in three. I’m needed sooner, mostly to stop my family exploding. You wouldn’t have to be there that long, though, and I’ll cover your travel costs. I recommend flying.

GRACE: Jesus, where in Scotland is she getting married?

ME: Very north. I’d recommend Inverness airport.

GRACE: Crap on cracker, that’s gonna be cold.

ME: Yeah. If you can’t swing it, don’t worry.

GRACE: How much is this going to cost me? And do I need to pretend to be your girlfriend? Because I’m not a great actress.

Wow.

That was a lot of questions.

ME: Nothing. I’ll cover everything. And no? We can just be friends, as long as you humour my grandparents with their probing questions.

GRACE: I think I could manage that.

ME: Are you serious?

GRACE: Yeah. I like Scotland. A free week away doesn’t seem that bad to me.

ME: You don’t know me.

GRACE: And you don’t know me, yet you invited me anyway.

ME: I could be a serial killer.

GRACE: Yes, serial killers are known to hold doors open for the elderly and young alike. Not to mention the insistence upon replacing my coffee when it was half my fault.

ME: Good point. I suppose you do owe me.

GRACE: Don’t take the piss. I gave you my number and look where it’s gotten me.

ME: LOL

GRACE: You owe me now. I’m doing you a favour.

ME: I suppose you are. In return for a free holiday.

GRACE: Look at that. We’ll be even by the time we get home. Unless your family is batshit crazy, then you’ll still owe me.

Hmm.

That was a rough one.

ME: Nah, they’re not so bad.

I was absolutely going to owe her by the time this was done.

My family was bonkers.

GRACE: Send me the info and I’ll see when I can get away. Is a week long enough?

ME: Friday and Saturday would be long enough.

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