Page 169 of The Problem With Pretending
ME: Fifty minutes of a screaming baby, an angry old man, and dead headphones.
WILLIAM: So about the usual, then.
ME: You could say that. I hope Granny isn’t causing too much trouble.
WILLIAM: Keep hoping.
I laughed.
WILLIAM: She’s trying to convince me to propose to you, by the way, but she’s requested a summer wedding. Apparently, the snow isn’t good for her arthritis.
ME: She doesn’t have arthritis.
WILLIAM: I’ll be sure to mention it.
ME: And we’re not getting married.
WILLIAM: …That’s what you said about not speaking to me again when you left Scotland, and here we are. Speaking.
ME: I can arrange that.
WILLIAM: No, you can’t. Your grandmother is here, and very much supports this fake relationship. I’ll get your address and show up on your doorstep in the pouring rain with flowers so I can declare my undying love for you.
ME: I would really prefer if you didn’t. My neighbours are extremely nosy. They’re the reason we don’t have a neighbourhood watch. They are it.
WILLIAM: What about your back door?
ME: I’ll get a guard dog.
WILLIAM: I like dogs.
ME: You’re like one. Even down to the bone you just won’t let go of.
WILLIAM: No. I told you I wasn’t letting you go again, Grace. I meant it.
ME: Who can tell with your dreadful communication?
WILLIAM: In my defence, it’s not WHAT I say that’s the problem. It’s the things I don’t say.
ME: That’s fair. When do you get back to Oxleigh?
WILLIAM: Why? Do you miss me?
Yes.
ME: No. Why would I miss you?
WILLIAM: Because I’m hilarious, handsome, and I don’t snore.
ME: Humble, too. An admirable quality.
WILLIAM: Well, nobody else up here is tooting my horn. I’ll have to do it myself.
ME: …There are so many ways to take that.
WILLIAM: I knew you missed me.
ME: I just wanted to know when you might show up at my door so I can make sure I’m not in.
