Page 169 of The Problem With Pretending

ME: Fifty minutes of a screaming baby, an angry old man, and dead headphones.

WILLIAM: So about the usual, then.

ME: You could say that. I hope Granny isn’t causing too much trouble.

WILLIAM: Keep hoping.

I laughed.

WILLIAM: She’s trying to convince me to propose to you, by the way, but she’s requested a summer wedding. Apparently, the snow isn’t good for her arthritis.

ME: She doesn’t have arthritis.

WILLIAM: I’ll be sure to mention it.

ME: And we’re not getting married.

WILLIAM: …That’s what you said about not speaking to me again when you left Scotland, and here we are. Speaking.

ME: I can arrange that.

WILLIAM: No, you can’t. Your grandmother is here, and very much supports this fake relationship. I’ll get your address and show up on your doorstep in the pouring rain with flowers so I can declare my undying love for you.

ME: I would really prefer if you didn’t. My neighbours are extremely nosy. They’re the reason we don’t have a neighbourhood watch. They are it.

WILLIAM: What about your back door?

ME: I’ll get a guard dog.

WILLIAM: I like dogs.

ME: You’re like one. Even down to the bone you just won’t let go of.

WILLIAM: No. I told you I wasn’t letting you go again, Grace. I meant it.

ME: Who can tell with your dreadful communication?

WILLIAM: In my defence, it’s not WHAT I say that’s the problem. It’s the things I don’t say.

ME: That’s fair. When do you get back to Oxleigh?

WILLIAM: Why? Do you miss me?

Yes.

ME: No. Why would I miss you?

WILLIAM: Because I’m hilarious, handsome, and I don’t snore.

ME: Humble, too. An admirable quality.

WILLIAM: Well, nobody else up here is tooting my horn. I’ll have to do it myself.

ME: …There are so many ways to take that.

WILLIAM: I knew you missed me.

ME: I just wanted to know when you might show up at my door so I can make sure I’m not in.

---