Page 9 of Accepting Love

She chuckles before turning around and leaving the room once again. The door closes with a snick.

I lean back. “I can’t, Zane. I’m not strong enough. I can’t separate my two halves. I’ll slip up and ruin my life.”

“You won’t. And what could you possibly do that would ruin things? It’s not like I’m going to take you over my knee in public and spank your bottom for everyone to see. Lots of people in the kink world are in relationships that extend outside of the club. They know where the line is, and they don’t cross it in front of vanilla people.”

I shake my head. “I’m not as talented as them. It takes every ounce of my energy to adult. It’s a constant battle I fight every day. It would be too easy to let you Daddy me all the time.”

He frowns. “Maybe that’s what you need, Little one.”

“It can’t be. I have a career. Responsibilities.”

“Lots of Littles have careers and responsibilities. Look at Lucy. You’re friends with her. It’s common knowledge that she has a thriving career. When she gets home from work, she sheds her adult and submits to Master Roman.”

“She’s like the gold standard of Littles, Zane.” I roll my eyes. “No one can live up to her level.”

He chuckles. “She’s not the only Little at Surrender who has a full-time job. Several others too.”

I shove away from Zane and start pacing. “You don’t know me.”

“I know Hannah.”

I shake my head, pausing to look at him. “I don’t think you do. Hannah isn’t real. I thought she was, but I just realized she’s not. Carolina isn’t real either. They are both extremes. Neither is authentic.”

“Then let’s find your authentic self so you can live inside her.”

“I’m a hot mess, Zane.” My voice rises. He might as well know the truth. “I only know one thing—piano. I live it. Breathe it. Sleep it. Audrey does much more for me than just manage my performance schedule. She lives here with me. She fucking cooks for me because she always has. She makes my dental appointments because I would never go if she didn’t.”

I’m rambling. I don’t care. He needs to see the hand I’ve been dealt. “I was born into a piano family. I was raised by one of the greatest pianists of all time. My grandfather was a legend. I never wanted anything else except to be like him. My head is filled with music. Night and day. My fingers probably move across the keys in my sleep.”

He’s smiling. “You’re enchanting.”

I gasp. “I’m not. Zane. Are you listening to me?”

“Every word, Little one. You need a Daddy. Poor Audrey must be exhausted,” he teases.

I feel frantic. Why can’t he see? I’m not normal. I don’t like people to know that. And here I am telling him outright. And he’s smiling.

“You are not making a very good case against being with me, Little one. You’re losing. Stop trying to push me away. Give me a chance. What’s the worst that can happen?”

I gasp, my eyes going wide. “Let’s think…” I cock out a hip. “I call you Daddy in public, and it gets plastered all over social media? I start to rely on you and then you leave and I’m worse off than I was before you showed up? I fall in love with you and—”

I slap my hand over my mouth. What the hell am I saying?

He closes the gap between us in a heartbeat, pulling me into his arms. “If you call me Daddy in public, I’ll cover it up and blow it off. If you rely on me, I’ll count my blessings to have found such a perfect Little. If you fall in love with me, I’ll be the luckiest man alive and my world will be complete because I’ve been head over heels for you for two years.”

I can’t breathe.

He hauls me closer and kisses my forehead, his hand trailing up into my hair to hold me against him. He continues speaking to the top of my head. “I’ve watched you for two long years, Little one. Longed for you. Respected your boundaries. Honored your walls. I’m done. I’m here now.”

“I’m not that girl,” I tell him. “It’s a show. It’s my schtick. It’s someone I invented because I want to be like her. I’m not naughty or bratty or sassy. I’m just Carolina. I’m forgetful, clumsy, disorganized, and I have a one-track mind.”

He smiles at me as if I’ve told him he won the lottery. “I bet you’re somewhere in the middle. I bet you can be a combination of Hannah and Carolina and be much happier. I bet Carolina gets tired of being good all the time and Hannah gets tired of being sassy. How about you just be you, and we’ll figure out who that is together?”

He’s serious.

I drop my forehead to his chest and stare at my feet. This can’t be happening.

He rubs my back.

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