Page 50 of Accepting Love

“No.” He smiles. “No. You’re right. I would not.”

I draw in a breath. “Look, I know I’m a hot mess and we have a lot of things to figure out, but I’m twenty-five years old, and I’ve never known a single other human I wanted to be so intimate with. Please, take me to bed. I don’t care about tomorrow.”

He leans in closer. “You’re not a hot mess, angel. What makes you say that?”

I roll my eyes. “Don’t try to humor me. I can barely keep one foot in an adult headspace long enough to do my job.” I know me. I know what a challenge it was even before Daddy came along and made it that much harder.

“You did a fantastic job, Caro.”

“Yeah, this time. Maybe I got away with it. But what about next time? Or the next? What about when a fan stops me on the way into the venue and I can’t get out of my Little headspace to sign the autograph and get confused because I’d rather use a crayon than a pen? What happens when I start shaking and call you Daddy in front of people?”

He holds my head tighter. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

My bottom lip trembles as emotions overwhelm me because I’m drained from trying so hard to be an adult for the last several hours. “What happens when you get tired of taking care of me? I’m exhausting. I will drain you of your resources until you’re too tired to deal with me.”

He flinches, his brows coming together. “Carolina, that’s not going to happen. I’ve told you I’m a Daddy through and through. The more you need me, the more I’m fueled. The more you rely on me, the better I am at my role. I would carry you into the damn concert hall if that were what you needed.”

“That’s the entire problem, Kingston. Part of me feels like that’s exactly what I need.” I take a step back.

He releases me to let me do so. He reads me so well that he even knows what to do while I’m having a meltdown. I need some space. He gives it to me.

I pace the room. “My headspace isn’t like other people’s, Kingston.” I glance at him. “Zane. Daddy. Whoever you are.”

He doesn’t interrupt me. He looks stressed but not angry and not frustrated. He’s concerned for me, not himself.

“I’m so Little sometimes, I scare myself. I’ve often wondered what would have happened to me if I hadn’t had Audrey or if she hadn’t been so open minded that she figured out what my kink was and helped me live it. What other mother on earth would have done that?”

“Not many,” he admits. “She’s amazing, and you were lucky to have her.”

“What if I hadn’t? Where would I be? A psych ward?”

“Carolina, there’s nothing wrong with you, angel. You’re not the only Little in the world. I know it feels like it, but you’re not. There are others just like you. Many of them are roaming around in regular vanilla society just like you. They do their best to pretend until they can get back home. Some are lucky enough to have found Daddies or a safe place to live authentically. Some are not. You’re not alone.”

“The Littles at Surrender seem so well adjusted and happy. I watch them when I’m there with awe, fascination, and jealousy. They come and go like it’s no big deal. They play a role for a few hours and then go back into their street skin and walk away. I don’t.”

“I know you don’t, Little one.” His voice is calm. “And you’re mistaken about many of them too. I can name at least a dozen Littles you’ve met who live nearly full-time in their preferred headspace. Even those who work shed their adult persona the moment they step in the door.”

“How do they do it? How do they put that hat on and take it off so easily?” I ask, feeling desperate and panicky.

“I don’t know, Little one, but we could ask some of them.”

I chew on my bottom lip a moment and then release it. “How much do you think Lucy lives as Little?”

“Every moment she’s not at work.”

“Do you think Giana does too?”

“Yes. And I think you will benefit from a week at Blossom Ridge for this reason. You can ask them questions. I bet they will help you feel less awkward when you realize you’re not alone.”

“Did you speak to Kendric? Are he and Giana coming?”

“Yes. I could hear Giana squealing in the background. She’s so excited to see you.”

I lift my hands to my head and hold it as if it’s going to explode. It’s all so overwhelming.

“You’re my world, Carolina.” He’s still not touching me. In fact he backs up and sits on the edge of my bed. “I want everything for you. I hate feeling like I’ve made things worse for you by showing up and taking over, but I keep reminding myself you weren’t fully living until I got here anyway. You were straddling two worlds all the time.”

I lower my hands and look at him, nodding.

---