Page 83 of Accepting Love

I smile up at him. “I’m still thinking of you as Daddy,” I tell him.

“That’s okay. It’s a piece inside your head. What will you call me out loud?”

“Kingston,” I respond without hesitation.

“Good girl.”

I shiver at his words of praise. “You really think this will work? It will help me with my headspace?”

“We’ll find out, but I have a good feeling about it.”

I do too. For the first time all week, I feel like we might have come up with a solution that will work. As I take a sip of the sparkling juice, I stand tall, aware of my posture, even more aware of the silver discs at my neck.

Chapter18

A week later…

Hannah

“You were amazing,” Lucy tells me as she hugs me tight. “You play like an angel. Thank you so much for letting Roman and me come to the studio and watch.”

I smile broadly at her as Kingston sets a hand on my lower back. He kisses my temple and sets his lips on my ear. “I’m so proud of you.”

This was my third and final day of recording. Kingston invited Master Roman and Lucy to the studio to watch me perform. The four of us are going out to dinner after we wrap things up.

Audrey is here too. She looks like she’s going to cry. I know she won’t, but she’s also proud of me. When she approaches, Kingston and Lucy back off.

Audrey hugs me tight, not letting me go. “You look fantastic and you did such a great job.” When she leans back, I subtly finger the bracelet on my wrist, rubbing one of the discs with my thumb.

I’ve grown accustomed to doing this every time I’m wearing the jewelry. If anyone notices, they will just think I have a nervous habit—which I do. It’s working though. When my fingers come to the cool silver, I remember who I am. Carolina Fraser, concert pianist. Performer. An adult. Someone people admire and look up to.

We’ve developed a new and unexpected routine at home. Daddy has purchased over a dozen sets of costume jewelry, all similar with shiny plastic beads and bobbles on an elastic band. When I’m not listening or I do something slightly naughty, Daddy only has to bend over and snap the bracelet once to remind me of my place.

It calms me. I don’t like to be punished, so I rarely misbehave. When I break the rules, it’s usually not using two hands to hold my cup, not putting my toys away properly after I’m done playing, grumbling when it’s time for bed or when Daddy thinks I need a nap. Small things. A snap at my wrist corrects my behavior.

I glance around and take a deep breath as Audrey releases me. Everyone in the room is moving around wrapping up the recording. Kingston’s employees have treated me like spun gold every time I’ve been here. Granted, they all know we’re in a serious relationship, but none of them have any idea it falls under the fetish umbrella.

I move around the room, shaking hands and making polite conversation. I’m smiling so much my face is sore. I’ve never pulled off anything like this. Several hours of social interaction without panicking. Direct contact with strangers.

People only ask me about my career, which is a topic I can talk about for hours. How long do I practice? When did I start playing? Do I get hand massages? What music do I prefer to play? Do I enjoy pop songs?

The list is long. I’m good at conversation that revolves around music. Seamless.

“Are you ready to go to dinner?” Kingston asks me, setting a hand on the small of my back. We’ve made plans to go out with Master Roman and Lucy. The four of us will have an adult meal at a fancy steak restaurant.

I’ve been looking forward to it for several days with a mixture of anxiety and excitement. I’m ready. I know I’m ready. I can do this. I’ve changed a lot since the night Kingston took me out on our first date.

I still love the fact that I can look up at any time and find him in a crowded room. It comforts me, knowing he’s close, knowing he could rescue me if I start to panic.

Kingston is the most attentive man I’ve ever met. He understands my needs and anticipates my every move. He glances at me often to check on me. When he’s near me, he touches me. When it’s appropriate, he holds me against his side.

I smile at him. “I’m ready.” I finger the bracelet. It’s soothing, but I’ve also realized sometimes I can just glance down at it and see it’s there on my wrist. Someday that might be enough to keep me level. It represents my adult side and reminds me I’m strong enough to present as an adult in vanilla society.

Kingston guides me out the door and into a limo. He arranged the limo for the four of us to go to the restaurant. I’m glad because it allows him to sit next to me and hold my hand instead of driving.

Lucy is beaming. I know she’s proud of me too. And she deserves a lot of credit for helping me find a balance in my life. I’ll be forever grateful.

The restaurant is fancy and the atmosphere is romantic with dim lighting and soft music.

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