Page 63 of Accepting Love

“I suspect a lot of people do that,” Leah points out.

I nod in agreement. “Probably. Anyway, when Zane walked into the house, it’s like I bolted across the line into my Little space and I can’t get back. I don’t even want to. I’m so comfortable with him. He takes care of everything. It’s a giant relief and a breath of fresh air to have him. It also scares the living daylights out of me. What if something ever happened to him or he got tired of taking care of me and he left? Where would I be?”

Giana reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “We all worry about losing our Daddies. It’s normal. You just have to trust that nothing will happen to him and live your life one day at a time.”

Leah nods. “I see what you’re saying about not wanting to bother to adult anymore. I’m so lucky I rarely have to that I’ve gotten complacent about it. Sometimes I worry I would fail miserably if I had to return to vanilla society. I’m sure it’s scary when you have to go to a performance and get on stage. It would be jarring and out of body.”

“Yes,” I tell them. “I’m okay while I perform because believe it or not, that’s a third personality.” I giggle. It sounds silly saying it out loud. “That’s my performance Carolina. She’s a beast. She doesn’t care what she’s wearing or who’s watching. She sinks into the music and gets totally lost in it.”

“I love that.” Amy smiles. “And based on the music I had the pleasure of listening to while I made lunch, I’d say you definitely leave this world to perform it.”

Giana nods. “So it’s the before and after a concert that’s a problem?”

“Yes. Also if I go out to dinner or any other place. I’ve become a bit of a hermit. I’d rather stay home and watch TV or read than risk doing or saying something embarrassing in public.”

“Is Zane fully aware of your concerns?” Giana asks. She’s rubbing my back now.

“Yes. Totally. He’s doing everything in his power to make my transition as fluid as possible. He’s amazing. When we arrived at the symphony hall yesterday, he dropped me and Audrey off, parked the car, and then stayed out of the way the entire time we were there.”

“That’s so sweet,” Amy whispers. “He’s trying.”

“He really is. It’s not his fault. It’s like he brings this side out of me and I can’t stop it. He can’t stop it either. He even offered to leave or not sit in the audience. I told him no of course. He sat in the front row.” I smile.

“You’re in love,” Leah states.

My face heats as I purse my lips.

“Have you told him?” Giana asks.

“God, no. He came into my life like a freight train and took over only a few days ago. It would be crazy to tell him I loved him.”

Amy shrugs. “Except you’ve known him two years, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How long have you been in love with him?” Giana asks gently.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “Probably a while.”

Leah grins. “So when he showed up unexpectedly at your house, everything sort of just fell into place the way it was meant to be. It was fate.”

I bite my bottom lip hard. My heart is racing.

“What was fate?”

All four of us jerk our gazes toward the entrance to the library where Daddy is strolling into the room. He has a quizzical look on his face, but it turns into a sly grin.

I do love him. I’m not going to tell him yet, but I do. I’m scared.

“Uh…” Giana looks back at the game and holds up a domino. “That I got the double sixes to win the game twice in a row,” she announces triumphantly.

Daddy stops next to us and looks down at the rows of trains on the board. “Is that so?” He chuckles.

“Yep.” Giana sets her double sixes down on the board next to a convenient six even though I have no idea whose turn it was. I doubt any of us remember.

Daddy looks at Amy. “Foster said to tell you five minutes.”

Amy glances at the pink princess watch on her arm and cringes. “Oh, yikes. It’s getting late. I need to start dinner.”

---