Page 62 of Accepting Love

“Except I don’t think I ever was me really,” I point out. “It wasn’t until Zane stepped into my real world that I got a true taste of what the real me was like. I don’t feel like the same Little now. Or maybe it’s Zane who causes me to be different?” I ponder.

“Is it weird knowing his name is also not Zane?” Leah asks.

I shrug again. “At first it was really strange, and I still think the name Zane first, especially as I talk about him with you, but in my head now he’s just Daddy.”

They all smile.

Giana rubs my arm. “I’m so happy for you.”

I look down at my lap and fiddle with the hem of my dress. It’s a comfortable pink cotton dress that I’m wearing over pink leggings. Daddy bought it for me because he already has a solid sense of what I like and what makes me comfortable and what my style as a Little is.

“What’s wrong?” Amy asks. “You don’t seem as happy as we all feel for you.”

I make a face. “I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out. It can’t be this simple.”

Giana leans in close and hugs my arm. “Sometimes it’s just that simple. Look atme. I didn’t even know I was Little at all. I was just a masochist enjoying trips to Surrender so someone would swat my ass with a flogger or some other implement.” She cringes and glances at the door, but none of the Daddies are nearby. “Oops. I mean bottom. Not the A word.”

Leah chuckles. “Don’t let the Daddies hear you. We’ll all end up with soap in our mouths. But seriously. She’s right. Sometimes the persona you maintain at a club is nothing like what you might live in a full-time arrangement given the opportunity.”

I pluck at the hem now, nervous. “I know, but I feel like I’m losing myself or something.” I can’t seem to explain myself.

“Or maybe you’re finding yourself?” Giana suggests.

“I guess, but I can’t be this person I’ve been since Daddy walked into my house and took over.” I shake my head. “It’s not reasonable.”

“What do you mean?” Leah asks.

“I’m too…” I take a deep breath and look up at them. They won’t judge me. “I’m too Little.”

They giggle. “There’s no such thing as too Little, is there?”

“There is if you’re a public figure who has to make appearances and pretend to be an adult part of the time.”

“Oh, right. That makes sense.” Leah nods. “I don’t have to do that, but I can see where it would be a problem.”

Amy winces. “I don’t either. I’m nearly always here at Blossom Ridge. If I go into town, I’m with Daddy and several people in town I interact with know I’m Little.”

“I do it,” Giana says. “Sort of. Not on the same scale as you, but I work at the afterschool program with Daddy, and when we’re there with the kids and their parents, I have to present as a respected adult. It can be jarring, especially on days when I’ve been naughty and come into work with red-hot butt cheeks in my jeans or a plug in my bottom.”

I nod slowly. “Yeah, it’s like that. I’m not good at it. How do you do it?”

Giana sighs. “I guess when the kids start arriving, I just flip a switch or something in my head. Sometimes I have rougher days than others when I feel really Little, but I power through it.”

I swallow. “Do you wear a bra? When you’re at the afterschool program?”

Giana nods. “Sometimes. Daddy doesn’t always let me, especially if it’s cold out and I have on layers or a sweatshirt. He intentionally leaves me without a bra under my clothes when no one is going to notice anyway.”

I draw in a breath. “Daddy puts a bra on me when I need to be in my adult headspace. Well, yesterday was the first time it happened. I had a performance yesterday afternoon. He even let me wear an extremely grownup black lace bra and panty set. I kept touching the strap and fingering it at my shoulder to remind myself I was an adult, but I couldn’t shake the nervous feeling that I was going to mess up.”

“What did you think you would do to mess up?” Amy asks. “Besides call Zane Daddy in public of course. We all fear that we might do that sometime.”

I wince. “I always fear that. It’s more like a headspace. I’ve known I was Little for a very long time, and my manager, Audrey, knew too, so she has always supported my kink and taken care of me basically.”

Everyone’s eyes widen.

“That’s amazing,” Giana says.

“Yeah, she’s like the best bonus mom a girl could ever ask for, and I know she worries if she’s done more harm than good by catering to me. Nevertheless, she did, and I’ve lived straddling the line between my Little and the adult society wants me to be for a long time.”

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