Page 98 of One and Only

“I can respect the no sleeping together, cuddling, hand up the shirt rule for general day-to-day coexistence.” I made sure he was listening before I continued. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t be open to adjusting that rule, but I can respect it.”

He stopped, hands on his hips as his chest heaved.

“I already know all this,” he said.

“We’re about to go to your ex’s wedding. In that pretty dress you just told me to wear. You’ll be in a suit, I’m assuming. There will be moments of hand holding. Dancing.” When I said it, his eyes darkened. “Touching. And I need just a little bit more clarity on why two consenting adults who are clearly attracted to each other can’t just…” I fought a shiver at the way he was looking at me. “Explore what that looks like together,” I finished quietly.

When he answered, it sounded like someone ran his vocal cords through a wood chipper. “I already explained this to you.”

“Not fully,” I said. I refused to drop my stare. “If there’s one thing we do,” I reminded him. “If there’s only one thing… we tell each other the truth.”

“The truth,” he said quietly.

Slowly, I nodded.

Beckett held my gaze, tearing off his gloves while he did. My heart tumbled over itself, unevenly thumping in my chest.

Please oh please oh please, I thought.

With the gloves tossed onto the ground, he walked toward me, and I notched my chin up as he got closer.

Kiss me,I begged him with my eyes.

Touch me.

He set his hands on either side of my hips, inches away from my thighs. My legs slowly unfolded, so that if he chose, he could slot himself right in the space between them.

He didn’t move even a single inch closer.

My skin was on fire with how close he stood. I wanted to lick up the column of his neck and suck at his jawline. I wanted to fist my hands in his shirt and reel him in the last few inches of space between us.

But I didn’t.

“Once,” he said, low and urgent. “Once in my adult life, I acted without thinking through the consequences. I allowed my own loneliness to eclipse anything rational. Josie and I should never have slept together that night. There was no world in which the two of us were right for each other or could’ve built the kind of family we both wanted. My daughter is the best thing I’ve done, but I have not been able to give her the kind of life I wanted to.”

I sucked in a slow breath.

“I have only ever wanted to build a family when the time in my life was right for it. When they could be my very first priority. Know that nothing came before them. And instead, I have a daughter who—even though she’s loved beyond words—has a split life. Never fully in one place, never fully settled anywhere. And I hate that she suffers the consequence of my choices because I can’t give her the thing I want. The only thing I’ve ever wanted for her.”

My heart wasn’t racing anymore. It wasn’t thundering beneath my ribs.

It ached. Something full of anguish, poking viciously at a buried bruise that I’d rather stayed hidden.

“Once,” he repeated. “I let myself be selfish. And I won’t do that with you.”

I couldn’t tear my gaze from his.

“I won’t risk you being another consequence, I won’t risk the fallout of allowing myself free rein to touch you in the way I’m thinking about right now.”

I let out a shaky breath, and even though I didn’t want them to, the words escaped on a low, hushed whisper.

“I wish you would.”

“Greer,” he breathed. He dropped his head, and for just a moment, his forehead rested on mine.

For a long time, I didn’t think men like this existed in my generation.

That there was someone with a big heart, who’d tear down the world for the people they loved. Who was selfless and giving and kind.

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