Page 28 of The True Love Experiment

He seems to chew on his next words before finally asking, “What’s the unrelated bit?” Connor smiles. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Ah. Well…” There are very few things I hate discussing, but high on the list are the wordmoistspoken aloud, people who useFMLorLOLin actual conversation, and my tumultuous yet brief relationship with a man named Rob. “Around the time the DNADuo was launching, I went to a party with a friend and met this guy. We were together for a little while and I thought things were really going well until I found out he had a wife.”

His expression crashes. “Oh.”

“It was awful. I was devastated, all of the expected things from a situation like that. But then a little over a year ago, she confronted me.”

Connor winces. “What happened?”

“It wasn’t on purpose—or, well, she didn’t intentionally seek me out. I was on a date and we happened to be in the same place. She recognized me from some photos that had been on Rob’s phone, I guess, walked over to my table, and said she’d divorced him and that I was free to have him if I still wanted him.”

“Fuck,” he mutters.

“In any other situation I would have clarified that no, I absolutely did not want him—that I hadn’t even known Rob was married when we started dating—but I was totally frozen. It’s one thing to have made a mistake and live with it in an abstract way. It was totally different to see the fallout right there in front of me.”

“That must have been awful. I’m sorry that happened, Fizzy.”

“I had spent so much time wondering what happened to them.Did she forgive him? Did they split up? So it answered those questions, at least. Anyway…” I pick up my drink and the ice rattles against the Styrofoam as I raise it in a toast. “My therapist was able to remodel her kitchen with the money I paid to work through it, so I guess there’s a silver lining.”

Connor smiles a little at this. “I get why you were scared off dating for a bit, then. But what about now? Are you ready to be in a relationship?”

A long stretch of silence follows his words as I run into this question like it’s a brick wall. I’ve known that finding me a match is the entire goal of the show, but I haven’t internalized it at all. If Connor and I are successful, it will be more than just entertainment for my target audience. I could end up with a lover, a boyfriend, a soulmate. A chill climbs up the back of my neck, and Connor sees the shiver pass through me.

“I think so,” I say, willing it to be true.

Connor balls up the last taco wrapper and drops it into the paper bag. “When you met those Base and Silver Matches, tell me what you were looking for. What worked for you? What didn’t? Basically, who am I looking for when I start casting tomorrow?”

“Well, I want to know who they voted for and where they stand on several political and social issues. I know I’m supposed to say that I can look beyond that, but I know I don’t work that way. There are some things that are nonstarters for me, and overt political questions aren’t on the DNADuo intake forms.”

He nods and pulls out his phone to write in his Notes app. “I agree.”

“And I guess I want what most women want: someone who makes me laugh and doesn’t take themself too seriously. Someone who’s ambitious but good, who’s supportive of me and the things I love. But mostly, I want us to be head over fucking heels for each other.”

I look out over the water and think of Jess’s face when River walks into the room. It’s the same way my dad’s eyes light up when he sees my mom; it’s how completely whipped my brother-in-law is for Alice. I know what love looks like—and I’ve written it so many times—but I’ve never felt it myself.

He looks at me across the table. There’s no judgment in his eyes, no pity, only empathy and compassion. “Those seem like pretty reasonable requests.”

“I have no idea what this will be like, but I hope I end up being what you wanted for the show. I’d started to wonder if maybe I was going to find peace with being single. I was wrapping my head around that when we first met that day in your office, you know?”

“Yeah,” he says with gentle understanding.

“I also think we both said yes to this project for reasons that weren’t all about us.”

His eyes meet mine and I see unspoken agreement there.

“I was worried North Star had no idea what they were doing,” I say. “I thought you were a dick.”

This time his “Yeah” is carried on a laugh.

I grin at him. “See? Core assumptions. I don’t think that anymore, if that helps.”

Connor offers a knowing smirk. “It does, thank you.”

I don’t say the other part out loud, that not only do I not think he’s a dick, I’m actually deeply attracted to him and wonder if I can ignore it for the sake of the show.

I know myself. It’s unlikely.

We gather our things and I use the public restroom while he waits for me nearby. When I return, he’s ending a call. “Everything good?” I ask.

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