Page 17 of The True Love Experiment

“Blame GPS, not me.”

“You handcuffed me to the bed for research and then realized the key was back at your house.”

“You were only alone for, like, a half hour, and I made sure you had plenty of water!”

“Okay, how about when you set me up with the guy who was out on parole?”

“For tax fraud! It’s not like he killed anybody.”

“Really, Fizzy?”

“Well, it sounds bad when you say it all together!”

She waits patiently.

Finally, I nod because:fair.“I’m just trying to make a good show here.” The skepticism deepens and I remind her, “You didn’t want to hear about the TV show because you didn’t want information you’d have to keep from River.” Who, predictably, flipped out when I mentioned over burgers a couple of weeks ago that I’d been approached to star in a reality dating show based on his very serious scientificresearch. There was some intense staring down at his plate followed by some agitated pacing. I’d assured him that there was no way North Star Media would ever agree to my terms once they saw them, and River had been slightly mollified. But he’d also requested to hear no more about it.

Which means I can’t tell Jess anything, either, or she’ll internally combust over having to keep anything from her husband. And which is why she’s pretending to be uninterested.

The thing is, if youaskJessica Marie Davis Peña what her favorite TV show of all time is, she’ll sayBreaking BadorDownton Abbey, because those are socially appropriate answers. No one says their favorite show isMarried at First Sight, just like nobody says their favorite restaurant is McDonald’s. Butsomebody’sbuying those 550 million Big Macs a year. Jess eats those shows up, feeling smugly entertained with a globe of red wine in her hand on her giant sectional in the living room. No matter what River wants to happen, Jess is intrigued by this. Dare I say she is secretly thrilled.

Which means I can count down to the moment when she breaks.

In three… two…

“I’m almost afraid to ask what your terms are,” she says, tapping a casual finger on the side of her laptop. “Knowing you, they’re insane.”

I lift my drink to my lips and realize it’s gone lukewarm. “Is this you asking?”

She adjusts her computer glasses. “No.”

“Okay.”

I glance down at my phone to find a new string of texts.

You want at least 2 of the heroes to have experience knitting?

I don’t understand the exclusion term re: poets.

Felicity, my understanding was that you would enter this negotiation in good faith.

Are you free to talk?

I giggle, typing as gleefully as if I’m sexting.

Sorry. I’m slammed at the moment.

When is a good time?

That depends. Are you in or are you giving up?

A plastic clatter echoes across the table as Jess tosses down her glasses in defeat. “Just tell me everything.”

“But it’s about the dating show. River might not like it.”

“He can cry into his giant bags of money.”

“You’re right,” I say in a burst. “Well, in case you didn’t realize this already: I am a genius.”

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