Page 93 of Broken Bridges

He sipped on his beer, then a curious smile quirked his lips. “So...have you started seeing anyone since Emilio?”

Half-grinning, I shook my head. “Yes. But you’re not going to believe it. Please don’t tell our folks. Don’t tell anyone. We’ve got to keep it quiet for now.”

“I kept being gay quiet for over half my life. Any secret of yours is safe with me. Promise.”

“The guys in the band don’t even know. But...I’m seeing a girl. Tia, Cole’s sister.”

“Holy shit.” He fell back in his chair. “I was expecting you to drop some big, hot male celebrity name, not a female. Since when?”

“My head is still spinning, trying to comprehend what’s happened. We met when I first flew out to audition for the band. This spark ignited between us the moment we spoke. We finally hooked up just over a month ago. It’s crazy hot. We’re trying to take things slowly but failing.”

“My God. Look at you.” He shook his head slowly from side to side, but the biggest grin lit his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so scared, and anxious, but so freaking happy. Not even Em made your cheeks flush, or turned you into a bashful fool. But I’ve got to be honest—I never thought I’d ever see you with a girl.”

“Me either. I still have some reservations.”

“Why?”

I picked up a spare coaster and fidgeted with it. “After Emilio, I’m so fucking afraid of being hurt, being deluded...and dumped. Tia and I are into each other. On one hand, we have this wild, insatiable, almost uncontrollable attraction—but on the other hand, we’re so fucked up by our past relationships. I’m in this constant battle. After being with men all my life, I don’t know if I’m just experimenting or if we have a future.” I tapped the coaster against the table as doubts swam through my head. “When I met Em, I saw forever. That didn’t go to plan. With Tia, I fought my attraction toward her for months until I couldn’t go one more day without being with her. I just don’t know how to be certain that this is real. I’m still into men. I’m not attracted to other women—just Tia.”

“Lew, that kind of powerful, unexplainable connection is so rare. You’d be mad not to see where it goes.”

“She drives me fucking crazy, turns me on, blows my mind. I never thought sex with a woman would be so fucking good.” I chuckled as warmth crept through my chest. “When I’m with her, I’m happy. So why do I doubt everything? Shouldn’t being with someone be easy?”

“Not always. Lew, there are no certainties in life. All new relationships go through a process. At various stages, you have to decide whether you’re going to keep seeing each other or not. Sometimes those decisions can be difficult when you’re battling huge differences and changes. But don’t deny yourself the chance to be happy. You’ve always loved love. It doesn’t matter what package it comes in. Up until now, it’s been men. Now, it’s a girl. Being with a woman won’t change you as a person or your beautiful soul.”

“Some days, it’s hard to process what’s happened. Does that make sense?”

“Hello? This is me you’re talking to. I denied being gay for fifteen years. Don’t fuck up like I did. I took way too long to be true to myself. Your breakup with Emilio was awful. Yes, he broke your heart. It wasn’t meant to be. But you’ve taken a step to moving on. Have faith. Be honest with yourself. Trust your instincts, and by God, listen to your heart.”

My ribs ached. The truth tore at my soul. “I’m worried that long term, I won’t be as happy with a woman as I would be with a man. What if we end up together with a family and locked in a life of misery like you and Amanda were?”

“Oh, Lew. No.” He shot forward and clutched my hand. “Don’t think like that. Amanda and I had some good times together. We have two amazing kids. Don’t let what happened to me hold you back. Live your life. You’ve always done that. You just said Tia makes you happy. That’s gold. Own that.”

Yeah. Tia was special. My kindred spirit. My person.

But God, I never wanted to experience heartache like I’d had with Emilio again. I’d wanted to get married and have a family. Spend the rest of my life with him. But it had all been a farse.

I took a deep breath. A new wave of reality settled over me, easing some of the madness in my mind. Anyone could hurt you, leave you, or break your heart. I had to be prepared for anything.

As I took a sip of beer, my stomach swayed. There was one thing that I couldn’t deny—not anymore. I was falling for Tia. But was it a forever type of love?

Shit.

I needed more time. More certainty.

But how could I establish that when promo for the next single began at the end of next week? Plans for the world tour began next month. Music and everything I’d worked so hard for was about to dominate my life.

I wasn’t going to mess up my chances with the band.

Crap.

I should’ve never gotten involved with Tia.

But I had.

Was I prepared to go all in with Tia and risk my heart and my place in the band?

If...no, when...the guys found out and it came down to a choice between her and music, which way would I turn?

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