Page 108 of Broken Bridges

Confusion hammered the center of my brain. “So what are you saying?”

She lowered her chin and fidgeted with her hands on her lap. “We’re at a turning point. We’re in different places now compared to when we first met. I’m going back to school. You’re about to tour with the guys. I don’t want to stand in the way of you having fun. You don’t need me to be a burden.”

Panic crept through my veins. I didn’t like the direction this conversation was heading in. “You’re not.”

“We have other things to focus on. Life is pulling us in opposite directions.”

I clutched her hand and gave it a tight squeeze. “No. It’s not. It’s brought us together. You saw a text from Emilio and freaked out. I get that. But I’m not Rhett, running back to my ex. You’re concerned about me being surrounded by temptation on the tour—I understand that. But I’m not Phil. I’m not a fucking teenager. I’ve had my fair share of hookups. I can control myself. Am I nervous about telling everyone about us? Too fucking right. But I have faith that my friendship with the guys is strong enough to survive. I’m in love with you. That is worth the risk.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “No. It’s not.”

Not the reaction I'd expected when I told her I loved her. Nor the ideal circumstance. “Yes. It is.”

“Don’t you get it?” Her shoulders collapsed. “I care about you. I want you to enjoy the ride you’re on. The extra media attention on us will add more pressure you don’t need. Gossip and scandal have killed every relationship I’ve ever had. I’ve lost Phil and Rhett. I don’t want to add you to that list.”

My heart rate doubled, not in a good way, making my head spin. “You won’t lose me.”

She swept my hair off my forehead, then cupped my cheek. Too much sadness darkened her eyes. “I don’t want you to change who you are for me.”

I caught her hand in mine, entwined our fingers, and lowered them to my thigh. “Tia, I changed the moment we kissed. There was no turning back once we slept together. You opened my mind and heart to new possibilities, to things I didn’t think would ever happen in my lifetime. I don’t care what people say. Neither should you. I will start again if I have to. But no one, not the band, nor gossip, nor some stupid dibs rule, is going to dictate who I can and cannot love. I want to love who I want, when I want. And that, right now, and hopefully for the rest of my days, is you.”

She was scared, I understood that. But we’d had this conversation. I couldn’t go ’round and ’round in circles.

I gave her hand a gentle shake. “Tee, we can’t hide anymore. I hate that you never spend the night in my bed. You keep wanting to sneak around, not wanting Cole to find out. You’re going back to school to keep some separation and your independence from the band—that’s fine. But I want to be with you. So what’s the real issue? Now that it’s come down to the eleventh hour to tell everyone we’re together, you want to back out?” I couldn’t believe her insecurities still lingered even after months of spending time together.

She closed her eyes and withdrew her hand from mine. “It’s about doing the right thing. I don’t ever want you to have to choose between music and me, so I’m choosing for you. You’re a Flintlock. In a year, after the tour, things might be different. But until then, let’s not worry about us.”

My heart splintered like kindle. There didn’t have to be a choice. I wanted her and music. We’d make it work. Why couldn’t she see that? “No, we have breaks in our tour dates so we can see each other.”

“We will...as friends.”

The back of my eyes stung. “Are you fucking with me?”

“No,” she whispered. “This way, no one loses. No one gets hurt.”

“Too late for that,” I snapped. “You just can’t let go of the past, can you? This hasn’t been easy on either of us, but up there on that ridge”—I pointed out the window—“the night we got together, you said you were in. What’s changed?” But something else struck me hard, low in the guts. “Are you ashamed or embarrassed to be with me? Because I was gay? You want to fuck me but not be seen with me? Is that it?” My chest ached. I didn’t want to hear the answer.

“No, this is for the best.”

I wasn’t convinced. “You don’t know that when you haven’t even given us a chance. My God...you were so patient and understanding as I processed being with you. I fell in love with you. You wanted this too, but now you’re just giving up?”

She winced. “I’m setting you free.”

Pain shot through the center of my chest. “Being free is living life to the fullest, taking chances, and being with the one you love with no limitations or boundaries. So stop being afraid.” I dug my fingers into the bed to steady myself, to stop myself from spiraling. “We’ve all been burned before. Hell, I had my heart ripped apart by Emilio. But you brought me back to life. Tee, Phil’s gone. So has Rhett. I’m here, wanting to love you. Why won’t you let me?”

She lowered her chin, as if she were avoiding my gaze. What the fuck?

But as I took a shaky breath, ice stabbed my heart. The blood drained from my face. “I’ve been a fool, haven’t I? I tried to talk myself out of having feelings for you but couldn’t. I couldn’t believe you felt the same way about me, but this was all an illusion, wasn’t it? Just like the stunts you used to do. You wanted me to believe this was real, but it was all trickery and bullshit.” Fuck. This was Emilio all over again. “You loved the thrill of the chase, the game, the secrets.” I should’ve listened to the guys; they’d warned me. “In all this madness, I fell in love with you.” Shit. I hadn’t just fallen for anybody, but a woman. She’d changed me where my parents had failed. Ergh! “Now, instead of taking the next step, you want to walk away. No...run as fast as you can. Fuck that.”

“Lew.” She reached for me, but I blocked her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Save it.” I scrambled out of bed, searching for my pajama shorts underneath the quilt laying on the floor. Not there. I walked around to her side of the bed, searching through the sheets. Found ’em. I yanked my boxers on. “I fell for a girl who was willing to take chances, have new adventures, and was willing to try new things, but in reality, all you want to do is play it safe and stay locked away from the world to avoid getting hurt. That’s not me.” With anguish twisting every one of my muscles, I placed my hands on the mattress. I leaned forward and loomed before her. “Tee, we’re good together. You know we are. We have an insane connection and can’t keep our hands off each other. But you just want to throw away what we have?”

She stared at me; water pooled in her eyes. I wanted her to grab me, kiss me, say she’d made a mistake. But instead, her chin trembled, and she nodded.

Fuck! I slapped the mattress hard. “I can’t believe I fell for you.” All my hurt and heartache poisoned my tone. “You’re just like your fucking brother. You’re afraid of developing real feelings for someone, afraid of relationships and love. So be it. You want out? I got the message, Tia. You happy? We’re done.”

There was a knock on the door. “Hey Tee. You awake? I heard noises.” Cole’s face appeared in the opening.

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