Page 34 of Take Me Home

I dipped my chin to nestle my nose into her shoulder, resisting the pull to plant a kiss on her neck. “I’m happy to be the one to help you.”

She laughed and pulled out of our hug. “I’m so embarrassed how much I’ve cried in front of you. An absurd proportion of my total crying this summer has been with you. I guess you bring it out of me.”

“Don’t ever be embarrassed about that, Darcy. It’s not weak to cry. It’s normal,” I told her.

“Damn, your sisters really did have an effect on you, didn’t they?” Darcy’s eyes sparkled at me and I was a downright sucker for it.

“Can I get that in writing? They won’t believe me that I turned out alright,” I laughed.

“I can send it via certified post next time I’m in town,” she joked. “But for real, thanks for not judging me when I was scared and just being there for me.”

“I’m glad you trusted me enough to ask. I want to be here for you.” Her eyes held mine, considering what I was saying.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “Ditto.”

“So your bestie’s coming to visit tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yes! Brianna. Tell me about your friends. Are they freaking out that they can’t text you all the time like Bri is?”

We talked for another hour. Darcy made me get under the covers after a while because she said I looked uncomfortable, and we lay facing each other, me snuggling one of her four million white pillows to my chest and her doing the same. Our knees touched under the sheets, and it really did feel like some hybrid of a date and an innocent sleepover and post-sex pillow talk. I got to watch her face light up as she talked about Bri and her family, and she listened closely when I told her about the people in my life. I left out some of the more difficult stuff because I wanted to savor the happy moment between us. Eventually, her responses got slower and her blinks got longer, her eyes fluttering shut.

“Alright, sleepy girl. I’m going to leave so you stop talking.” I pulled her covers up to her shoulders and turned out her lights. “Sweet dreams.”

“Night, Jake,” came her drowsy reply as I stepped out into the hall.

12

DARCY

Iwoke at my normal time the next morning. I rolled into the space that Jake had occupied the night before, delighted to find that the pillow he’d held smelled like him. I grinned like a giddy schoolgirl as I sucked in his scent.

At least, I did until the realization that what we’d done the day before only happened because I was sick. That it was a fluke. That he wasn’t really mine to have, no matter how much he’d shared of himself with me. No matter how much it felt like an extended date. He’d go back to being off-limits for me.

It was fun while it lasted.

I’d normally shower after the heat of the day, but after a day of marinating in my own gross, it was going to be necessary for the morning. After I’d blasted the stink off myself, I pulled my wet hair into a high bun, dressed in farm work clothes, and added a loose denim shirt to fight the morning’s damp chill. Just like the last time Jake had stayed over, the smell of coffee greeted me at the top of the stairs, along with something sweet.

Beside the coffee pot, he’d placed a piece of paper with a glass of water on it and an empty coffee mug. The glass was circled with an arrow reading “drink me first” and little celebrating stick people. I had to laugh at his enthusiasm for my hydration.

I chugged the water as instructed, then poured a cup of coffee, adding cream until little clouds billowed up from the bottom of my cup. I leaned back against the counter, letting the cup warm my hands. I couldn’t fight the smile that crept up my face. I was living in two mental worlds: one where Jake and I were building a romantic entanglement, and another that was the actual reality where I couldn’t have him.

Brianna would tell me I was self-sabotaging and not letting myself enjoy life. Thankfully, she was arriving later that day, so I’d have her guidance in person. Even though I was technically home in West Virginia, being out on the farm wasn’t fully home. Of course, the house I grew up in wasn’t an option anymore since my parents had moved to Italy. But what was home beyond the physical place?

West Virginia would always be home, no matter how long I was gone. But time had passed, and things had changed. I’d never have the West Virginia of my youth again. People had gone on with their lives without me, and of course, they had. I couldn’t freeze my childhood just the same as I couldn’t stop the hurtling speed with which summer was heading toward fall. Having Brianna with me would feel more like home. So was home a place, or people, or food, or smells, or maybe a little of everything rolled into one?

Looking around the kitchen, I saw another piece of paper by the microwave that read, “Open me. Eat whatever doesn’t make you feel pukey.” Part of me feared that he’d put a rubber snake in there or something, but I was pleasantly surprised to find he’d left me an entire breakfast: pancakes, bacon, and some berries. The pancakes were still warm.

I was so overwhelmed. Jake and I weren’t in a relationship. He wasn’t getting anything out of it physically, or rather, not like I was putting out or anything. Rob hardly did anything for me when I was sick other than go to the pharmacy if I really needed him to. Jake had gone way above and beyond. I was so touched by his gesture. I wasn’t accustomed to someone looking after me. Was he really sweet, or did he have feelings for me?

Not one to let perfectly good pancakes go to waste, I ate as many as I could stand from the huge stack he left me. Something about the taste of them was nostalgic, but I couldn’t place it. When I went to clear my plate, I noticed that the bowls and pans he’d cooked with were already clean and drying next to the sink. Unbelievable. Not unbelievable that a man would cook and clean, but that Jake had done all of that forme.

Taking another sip of my coffee to try and reset my brain from its scrambled egg state, I put on my mud boots and headed out to feed the dogs. The morning was dewy, with little puffs of mist decorating the treetops. There’s nothing like a mountain morning, when the forest exhaled, leaving trails of its breath overhead. The trees at home seemed greener than in Raleigh, the brush thicker, like the whole state was showing off what I’d been missing. The air itself almost smelled green.

The dogs followed in step behind me, nudging my free hand with their noses for attention. Barkley bumped my hand until I petted the top of his head. My finger brushed over a giant tick affixed to his skin, its belly chock full of Barkley’s blood. I plucked it off and threw it in the creek as we passed over it, the rushing trickle beneath the plywood bridge carrying away the parasite.

“There ya go, bub,” I told him, making a mental note to check the tick medicine schedule. “That feel better?”

Barkley responded by sprinting ahead and finding a giant stick, probably better called a limb. The other dogs got jealous and bit the stick. I entered the fight, yanking the whole dog chain around and laughing as they let loose their not-so-fierce growls. I looked up to see Jake sitting on his trailer’s porch, his feet on the railing and pretending to read a book while watching the dog tug of war. Releasing the stick, I waved to him.

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