Page 34 of Ambition

He holds me tighter, arms around my waist, like he is afraid I will run from him now, as if he has already forgotten what I did for him.

“I didn’t… I didn’t hurt them. But they’ll remember me. They won’t forget.”

My chest hurts. I don’t know if it was bad intel, unexpected circumstances, a chance event. I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. Because if Von knew less of whatIdid, he might respect me more.

“I don’t want to do this anymore, Isa,” he says, his voice low.

I hold him tighter. I know there is little option. What else could we do? We are trained for nothing but chaos. This is our family. This is our life. He is eighteen and it is all planned out now.

“I don’t want to,” he repeats.

“Then don’t.” I say it even though I know it means nothing.

He squeezes me tighter but remains quiet.

Later,he stops outside of my bedroom after his shower, his frame filling up the doorway.

He is a murderer now.And I still love him.

“Tomorrow I meet with the 6,” he says casually.

I drop my pen on the legal pad I use as a journal, right there in my lap as I sit in my bed and stare at him in the darkness. The 6 are big. They are…huge. They controleverythingin this city.

Something twists inside my gut as his eyes catch and hold mine.

Jealousy, I realize with nausea.

Envy.

Because he is climbing, and I am…stagnant. The 6 didn’t contact me after what I fucking did. And what was my last assignment? Online research. Something to be done behind a computer. Not hacking. Not anything useful. Just busy work. Tedious.

I clench my teeth and nod once.

He says nothing before he walks away.

The next morning,I meet with Mads. “There are ways you can use me that you can’t him. I want those assignments.”

Mads shakes his head once as he studies me. But I don’t back down and I force him to remember what I’ve already done.

Finally, all he says is, “Not yet.”

Von never criesover a murder again. He never tells me about them again. Sometimes, I don’t even know he’s killed someone until I see faint traces of blood he didn’t wash down the drain. These are the secrets we should have kept from one another all along.

* * *

I pullopen the door inside Nox, duffle bag slung over my shoulder, heart fluttering nervously over meeting alone with Cain, and the information he might possibly have for me. The places I am to look for intel tonight. The things Mads didn’t bother to tell me.

But when I step into the dark gym—the only light the back row of them, far off against the opposite wall, past the boxing ring—my heart changes rhythm.

Slowly, I walk further inside the room.

The scent of cleaning products and old sweat fills the air, and it’s cold, I realize as I shiver, but I’m not so sure that’s why I’m doing it.

Sitting on the floor, on a cluster of black padded mats used for sparring or tumbling or ab workouts, is Von.

He is facing me, knees bent, feet planted. He’s in a navy blue hoodie that saysSIMULACRAMin gray across the front. I’ve seen him wear that thing a hundred times. His elbows are on his knees. The same posture he was in yesterday, waiting for me outside in the hallway as I showered while Karia slept on our couch with her head in Cosmo’s lap.

His head is bowed, face cast in shadow, his red curls the most vibrant thing about him. But I know something is wrong.

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