Page 32 of Wild Hearts

“He’s our dad, B.”

“Hewasour dad, Ivy. He chose to leave, remember?”

She sighs. “Can we just get out of here?”

I start up the car, not bothering to look at the house as I back out the driveway and take off down the street. We don’t speak for about twenty minutes, both lost in our own thoughts. Finally, Ivy looks over and asks the question I’ve been avoiding. “What are we going to tell Mum?”

“I don’t know,” I admit.

“She’s going to be gutted.”

“I know.”

“What are you going to do?”

I cut my eyes to her as I switch lanes, trying to get to the off ramp that leads to Ballina. She’s chewing on her bottom lip.

“What do you mean?”

“The Baptism – what are you going to do?”

“Nothing. I’m not going to be a part of it. End of story.”

She doesn’t say anything else, but I can almost hear her thoughts ticking over in her brain. She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know I had to keep his secret for three months before he grew a pair and admitted what he’d done. I still wonder whether he would’ve said anything if Tarshia hadn’t gotten pregnant. Would he have kept stringing Mum along?

I don’t know what we’re going to say to Mum. I think about her sitting at home, alone, waiting for us to get back.This is bullshit.I’m still doing his dirty work and I’m sick of it.

“I don’t think I’m ready to go home,” I finally say, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. I’m antsy as fuck and need to get out on the water.

“I can call Lachy and Jordan to come meet us at Glassons Point? They can bring the boards.”

I nod, and she pulls out her phone. She knows me so well.

HALF AN HOUR LATER, Jordan’s Kombi pulls up next to my Subaru Crosscheck in the top car park overlooking Glassons Point. It’s only eight, so we still have an hour of daylight. They bought spare boards for me and Ivy, plus the extra wetsuits we keep at their place. Harley jumps out of the backseat.

I appreciate that no one asks any questions. Everything is still rolling around in my head. The new baby, Theo’s Baptism, Dad’s expectations of Ivy and me to be a part of his new family... As if we could do that to Mum.

I do feel bad for Theo and the new baby. They didn’t ask for any of this. They have just been unfortunate enough to be born into this absolute shitshow, but it’s so hard to imagine being close to the result of what broke up our entire family.

I zip into my wetsuit and pick up my board. Jordan and Harley are already waiting at the top of the stairs. I glance back at Ivy and Lachy. They’re still standing fully clothed at the back of Jordan’s Kombi.

“We’ll catch up,” Lachy says.

My stomach rolls. Ivy won’t even look at me. We’re supposed to be putting up a united front, but I get the feeling I’m just disappointing her.

With a sigh, I roll my shoulders, trying to relieve the tension in my body. Ineedto get out on the water. My gut twists as I walk away from my sister. She’s reeling just as much as I am from all of this, but I can’t help her right now. I’ve got nothing left. I’m spent.

I paddle out past the cliffside of Glasson Point where the waves are crashing against the rocks below. The water is cool. The wind whips around us as the sets roll in. There’s a summer storm blowing in to match my mood. I’m waiting for that familiar sense of calm to wash over me, but it refuses to come. Harley and Jordan know not to push. They ride wave after wave, laughing, hollering, hanging shit on each other. They ignore me, letting me work out my issues in my own time.

I wonder why Dad is putting us in this situation. I haven’t spoken to him since the day he left, and now he’s dropping this shit on me. I’m still adjusting to the idea of having a little brother,half-brother, and now I find out I’m getting another sibling. He’s almost fifty for fuck sake. Tarshia is only half his age. How long can their relationship last in reality? Poor kids are probably going to end up in a broken home just like us.

I scoop up a handful of salt-water and splash it over my face in an attempt to clear my thoughts. It shouldn’t be my problem. Why do I always feel like I have to fix everything? This is all on the old man.

I let out a deep exhale, spin my board to face the beach, and glance over my shoulder in preparation to catch the next wave. I lean into the burn in my shoulders as my hands slice through the water. The back of my board rises and I push myself up, pushing my hand through my hair. I bend my knees, securing my balance as my board glides along. I run my fingers through the water of the barrel. It’s the perfect A-frame, and I carve my way through it. As I make the bottom turn, I miscalculate, losing my balance and eating shit in the whitewash.

I shake the water out of my face as I climb back onto my board, only to see the next set of waves rolling in. I duck dive under the next three swells, then turn, ready to catch the next one. As my feet hit the board, I hear a shout of warning from Jordan, and it’s then I realise how close I’ve gotten to the rocks.Shit!

As I twist my body in an attempt to steer my board away from the rocks, I feel a pop and a searing pain in my knee before it gives way completely. I curse again as I dive into the water away from the point. I push through the pain, my arms burning as I battle the push of the waves. My mates paddle toward me, Jordan reaching me first.

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