Page 3 of Coming Home

Iwatch Hudson as he walks down the long hallway. Before he goes through the door, he turns to look at me. He is not smiling. His look is more curious than anything.

Lilian is talking to me, but it’s like I’m in a tunnel. Hudson’s eyes never leave mine until Austin forcibly pushes him through the conference room door.What just happened?

I thought I was doing better about being around men I don’t know, but obviously not. Not that he’s an ordinary man. Heck, there’s nothing ordinary about him. He’s tall, so tall, and at five foot four inches, I know I’d have to rest my head all the way back to look up at him. Plus, that beard, those tattoos and uh, that body. He’s just a lot of man. I groan as I think about the way I reacted to him. He’s an owner in the company—hell, he’s probably going to have me fired. And I’m not sure I can blame him because who wants someone working for them when she can’t even appear normal around someone new?

I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly, all while counting to ten. Lilian is still patting me on the back.

Finally, I snap out of it and turn to Lilian, my mouth falling open. “Oh my God!”

Lilian is rubbing my arm. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

I walk around my seat and fall down into it. “He’s going to think I’m a lunatic. Oh my God, Lilian, I acted like he was breaking in and trying to rob the place or something. He’s going to have me fired, isn’t he?”

“No!” she says and then gives me a worried look. “I mean, I don’t think so.”

My mouth drops. “You don’t think so?”

She shakes her head. “No, he’s not going to have you fired. I only met him this week, but from what everyone says about him, no, there’s no way he’s going to want you fired. I’m sure someone will explain…”

Her voice trails off, and I know exactly what she’s thinking. Someone will explain to him that I’m nuts. That I have no chill about me. That I jump at loud noises and freeze up when strange men come around. All of it.

I put my face in my hands and hunch over my desk. Why can’t I be normal? I know I’ve been through some shit, but I’m working through it. Having a semi-panic attack when I meet one of my new bosses is not ideal.

“Is it all men… or just men his size?”

I feel bad that I’ve never explained it to her. My therapist says I need to talk about it, and if there’s anyone I trust, it’s Lilian.

“Normally just bigger men, really. I mean, anyone that I don’t know, I sort of freak out a little bit, but Hudson’s build is a little more intimidating than most.”

Lilian nods her head, and her forehead creases. “It’s understandable. He’s a giant.”

I bite my lip, automatically wanting to defend him. He’s not weird or anything, but I don’t say anything because Hudson is her family, at least he will be when she and Ford marry. “I owe him an apology. I saw him and just got all up in my head. Usually, I can control it, but I wasn’t able to today. I’ll do better.”

I turn to look down the empty hallway. Should I go in there and apologize now? Or wait until he comes out? I know they’re having a meeting, but the need to make sure everything is okay is overwhelming.

Lilian pats me on the back. “You worry too much, Elle. It’s not that big of a deal. I’m sure the guys have already forgotten it.”

I nod my head and force a smile to my face. I know she’s wrong. Hell, they’re probably in there talking about it right now.

“I’m fine. Thank you… and I’m sorry for being so…”

My voice trails off before I say all the things I want to say.I’m sorry for being so fucked in the head. I’m sorry for being a freak. I’m sorry that sometimes I just can’t control myself. I let out a deep sigh. I didn’t sleep well last night. Since I’ve been in Whiskey Run, my nightmares have almost completely disappeared. But last night was another story. I just couldn’t sleep, and I think a part of it was I was afraid if I did fall asleep, I would have a nightmare. I ended up watching the sunrise over Whiskey Mountain this morning.

Lilian walks over to her desk and sits down. “Quit apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for, you know that, right? It’s obvious you have some stuff to work through, Elle, and I’m here if you ever need to talk.”

Lilian is beautiful inside and out. She was a little intimidating when I first met her. Honestly, I felt like a fat frump standing next to her, but it’s impossible not to like her. She’s been a really good friend to me. “Thank you, Lilian. I know if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have this job. Lucas pretty much said so. So thank you for that, and you’re right. I am working through some things, but I want you to know that I’m working really hard to not let it affect my job. I know the way I reacted to Hudson today says the opposite, but I promise I am working on it.”

Lilian’s nodding her head. “No one, I mean absolutely no one can complain about the job you’ve been doing here. And heck, what you can do with a spreadsheet is amazing. You’re saving lots of time for everyone. We are all happy with the work you do. Don’t even think twice about what just happened. It’s going to be fine.’

I let out a breath and nod my head. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her exactly what happened to me a month ago, but I don’t. I’m just not ready yet. “Thank you, Lilian. For everything.”

Even as I mutter the words, I know it’s not enough. I left Texas in a rush. By the time I made it to Whiskey Run, my car was on its last leg, and I had my savings in my pocket. Just enough to hopefully rent a place to live in. After interviewing with Lilian and Lucas for the administrative assistant position and getting the job, everything else seemed to fall into place. Everything is working out, but I’m still looking over my shoulder, waiting for my past to catch up with me.

I get back to work and try to focus on the spreadsheets in front of me, but I can’t. All I can think about is the massive man down the hall.

He’s not like any man I’ve ever seen before. He’s big and muscular and seems to command the room. At least with me, he did.

But what I can’t seem to forget is the way he looked at me. There was interest in his gaze, and even now, I can feel the heat of it on my body.

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