Page 27 of Coming Home

I try to hide my disappointment. “If you’ve changed your mind…”

He smirks at me. “I haven’t changed my mind.”

I look up at him, waiting for him to continue, but he’s just watching me. Under his scrutiny, I start to fidget. “What is it?”

He reaches for me, putting his hands at my shoulders and pulling me to him. “Can I hug you?”

Our bodies are so close I can feel the heat coming off his. “You want to hug me?”

He looks almost sheepish. “Yes, but if that’s weird for you or it makes you uncomfortable…”

His voice trails off, and it’s in this moment that I realize that I’m not scared of Hudson at all. He’s a big man, but he’s a gentle man. He has gone out of his way to help me, and it’s so easy to let my guard down with him even though I shouldn’t. Even now, he wants to comfort me. I hugged him yesterday after the whole car thing, and I didn’t freak out. He doesn’t take his eyes off me, and the gold flecks in his hazel eyes seem to get darker. Finally, I nod my head softly. “I’d like it… if you hugged me.”

As soon as the words are out, he has his hands at my shoulders and he has me pulled flush against him. He engulfs me in his embrace, and it’s as if I’m completely surrounded by him. I wait for the panic to set in, but it doesn’t. I put my hands at his hips and then circle them around his waist. Emotion surges through me. I don’t feel alone or scared or lost in his hug. If anything, I feel completely right. The tears come, and I can’t stop them. I have my face held against his chest as the tears start to flow freely. I lean back and wipe at them, but they don’t stop. It’s as if a faucet has been turned on and the knob is broken.

“I’m sorry…” I tell him with a sob.

He leans down and puts one hand behind my knees and the other behind my back. He lifts me as if I don’t weigh a thing and then carries me to the chair in the living room. When he sits down, he cradles me in his lap, all the while soothing me with his words. “It’s okay, Ellie. Let it out, honey. I’m here. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

The sobs come harder, and his arms get tighter. “Oh, honey.’

He’s rubbing my back in big strokes, and I take deep breaths to calm myself. We sit here just like this for I don’t know how long, but I’ve completely melted into him. His warmth surrounds me like a cocoon, and I don’t want to ever move.

I take another deep breath. “I’m a mess.”

His cheek is resting on the top of my head, and when he talks, his voice is gruff. “You’re not a mess. I’m not sure what happened before you came to Whiskey Run but you survived it, Ellie. Look how far you’ve come in such a short time. Don’t be hard on yourself, and you never have to apologize. Not to me, anyway.”

I trace my finger in circles on his shirt. “You’re too good to me, Huddy.”

He lifts up and presses a kiss to the top of my head. “You deserve to have good in your life.”

It’s only then that I realize the pattern I’m tracing on his shirt has switched from a circle to a heart. He reaches up and laces our fingers together. We sit just like this for the longest time. I know we have things to do, but none of them seem important right now.

Chapter15

Hudson

“Send me a picture.”

I hit send on the text and stare at my phone in silence. I’m at the Blaze offices in the conference room. I’m here working on the computer because I’m trying to distance myself from Ellie. It’s either that or I’m going to take her into my bedroom and not let her up until she screams for mercy.

It’s amazing to me what she’s accomplished in the last two weeks. The bedroom and the living room are done, and what she’s turned them into is pretty amazing. We spend most afternoons working side by side, me moving the furniture or helping her put things together and her telling me where things go. In the evenings, we have dinner together, watch television, go to visit my brothers, or just sit around and talk.

But being this close to her and not being able to touch her is driving me slowly insane.

I rub my hand through my beard because I feel just a smidge guilty. If she knew that I was still sleeping on the pad on the floor, she wouldn’t be happy. She’d blame herself and be convinced that I don’t like the bed she got, but in fact, it’s perfect. I’m not sure what is going on in my head right now, but every time I lie down on the soft bed, all I can think about is the past and my time in the Army. Men that didn’t come home surround my thoughts, and I can’t sleep. It’s almost as if I feel like I don’t deserve to sleep in a plush bed with sheets and a thick blanket.

I open my phone, wondering if she’s read my text and see bubbles that she’s typing something.

I stare at it impatiently.

“What is it with you and wanting a picture all the time?”

I’m smiling as I type the words. “It’s not all the time.”

She sends an eye rolling emoji. “Only every time we’re not together.”

“Maybe I just want to see your pretty face.” I no sooner finish typing it than I delete it. Flirting with her is not distancing myself. I want more, but I need her to trust me first. So I type something else. “Maybe I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

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