Page 95 of When Sinners Dare

“No. There’s other people who could do what Dante did.” No there isn’t. Abel knows that well enough.

I reach for her face and bring her closer to me, tucking her cheek into my chest so I can feel her. Being with her means loyalty beyond what any other person could bring for him. He’s seen me protect her, and not only that, but he knows exactly what violence is inside me. We might not have been friends sharing jail time, but no one survives that place and doesn’t come out bent up and broken. He saw it in my eyes after I’d killed Jonny, probably because he looks at the same damned eyes in the mirror every day. Killer. Maniac. Whatever you want to call it doesn’t matter. We’re the same kind of breed, and base instinct proves it.

“I’m in love with you, Mariana. I couldn’t say no now even if I wanted to.” She stiffens and tries looking up at me. I don’t let her. I hold her exactly where she is and keep listening to the cicadas. “This is family for you, and I’d rather be in it with you than out of it without you.” These are the moments we’ll get in the middle of the shitstorm I’m entering. I don’t need discussions about the “whys” or the “hows” when I’m with her. I’m gonna need some peace. Some calm. Maybe some of that rough handling every now and then will still happen, but other than that, I just need some of her smiles and laughs to keep me going. We need them.Ineed them.

What’s the goddamn point without them?

“But you didn’t want it,” she says, quietly. “This is exactly what you didn’t want when we met.” I let go of her at that and bring my hands to her cheeks, gazing down.

“But I’m still here. Looking at the most beautiful woman on the planet. Pretty sure that means I’m all the way in with no turning back. You can’t get rid of me now.” She smiles, but it’s laced with some undertone of doubt. “Don’t. Believe me; I could've stopped this early on if I needed to. All I’m doing is reverting to who I really am without questioning some civility they tried embedding in me. For you. If I’m alright with that, you should be, too. Let it be, Mariana. Let it grow. Don’t try stopping it for some moral code that means jack shit to any of us.”

“You’re really okay doing what needs doing?”

“Guess we’ll find out. I’d rather not get a beating from your brothers again, though, so … I better start stating my place in this family. I'm not one for arguments.”

She smiles and pats my chest, glancing away from me up towards the house and walking away a little. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I am. But we make a pact here and now that we come first. Either of us needs time out, and we leave for a while.” She frowns and looks back at me, as if that’s gonna be a problem. “No fucking debating it, Mariana. This is non-negotiable, because if I get lost in this, you’re gonna need to find a way to bring me back to who you met.” She keeps staring at me, thinking, trying to weigh up what I’m talking about. “That guy at the bar isn’t gonna cut it neck deep in the middle of this job, so I need you reminding me who he was. You understand? Keep bringing me right back here. Don’t escalate me like they will.”

She nods eventually and looks back at the house again, like that little emotional conversation is over and done with. It isn’t in reality, but time will tell on that front. “Shaw’s the weakest,” she murmurs. “I say weak. He’s not really, but he questions everything. He does as he’s told, though. A real soldier.” Glowing sun turns across her face as she paces slowly, and I watch her body trying to find rhythm in her strides. “You need to be careful of Knox. He flips a switch and turns mean as hell. He’s so close to Dante, other than his ability to deal with numbers. Bloodbath, you know? He contains it, but it’s always simmering. And Abel, well, stay on the right side. The wrong one is hell on earth and no fun for anyone. He’s quick with decisions and won’t be swayed once he’s made it.”

“We’re talking love – the only thing I give a damn about at the moment– and you’re giving me advice?”

She’s still staring at the house and now pulling her arms around herself protectively. “The quicker you understand them, the better. We’ve got more chance then.”

“More chance of what?”

She looks back at me. “Of you staying.”

A snort rips through me, and a low chuckle follows it. “Aww, is this you turning fragile about my feelings for you?” I walk for her and wrap an arm around her shoulder, heading us back up to the house. “That's cute as fuck.” She digs an elbow into my ribs sharply, giving me that Cortez frown to deal with. “Ouch. Don’t hurt me. I’m about to go deal with the bad one. I’ve got a feeling I’ll need some strength.”

We hit the steps up to the deck, and I push her in front of me, swatting her backside as she goes. “Why do you need to talk with Abel?” she asks as we turn into an empty main room.

“Men stuff.”

“Err, no.”

“Erm, yeah. Don’t think you’re getting up in my ass all the time because we’re all in now. I’m allowed secrets.”

“What secrets?”

“Well, now, they wouldn’t be secrets if I told you. Go find something to do for a while.” Her eyes narrow, and she pokes her tongue out at me. “That’s it, get it ready for me, little lady. You’ll be using it later.”

“Well, I was going to tell you I loved you, too. But I think it can wait now.” She sashays out the room away from me, not even glancing back, and flips up her middle finger.

“Damn.”

My low chuckle dries up as I start searching the maze of hallways and rooms for Abel, and I get rid of any feeling of light or laughter. Neither of those things are needed for what’s coming with him. We both know that. He sure as hell does. I might have been invited in, but it’s only because it serves him well and protects something he gives a damn about. That’s all.

There’s never gonna be any love between us.

First brother I run into is Shaw. He's coming towards me, making sure there's enough of a scowl on his face to show he's not fully on board with me. Wasn't earlier in the conversation when everyone was there either. Don’t give a fuck. And by the sound of his weak-ass whining, he needs to man the hell up anyway.

I shove at his chest, fast and hard, sending him back a few feet. “We gonna have a problem?” He stops and stares. No conversation or retaliation on the cards, apparently. “Word of warning. Don't bring it at me. I’ve got a good ten years on you and time inside. You’ve never even seen the shit I have, let alone felt it. Use your head around me, and we'll get along just fine. Is Knox still here?"

“No.” Fine. Guess we've already had our welcome chat anyway, by way of fighting. I walk past him without expanding any more, part barging his shoulder. To his credit, he barely moves. Doesn't come back at me either, though. One down.

More hallways and rooms checked, and I eventually find Abel in the kitchen with Lexi. He looks up at me as I enter, chews down whatever he’s eating over the countertop, and looks back at her. She smirks about something and runs a hand over his shoulder, trailing her fingers through his hair before walking away to the French doors.

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