Page 98 of Beneath the Surface

Mason.It’s hard to think of him that way, but any time I remember his soft words or the rough grip of his hands, I repeat the name like a mantra—a whip cracking against my back, lashing me with the reminder of his lies.

My forehead presses against the cool window, my eyes soaking up the town that changed my life forever. The place I never thought I’d see again. It’s thriving, businesses on Main Street open and beautiful, the sentimentality of the small town bleeding through the air and suffocating my lungs. My mind goes foggy, flashbacks of a similar moment, years ago, when Chase and I first moved here with Sam and Anna.

“Tennessee is so pretty. I bet it’s the prettiest state in the whole universe,” I say, watching the vibrant colors of the landscape pass by the window as we drive to our new home.

Chase smirks. “That’s just because you don’t remember living anywhere else.”

He’s right, I don’t. The memories of our time in Chicago, back when we lived with our birth mother, is murky at best.

“Whatever, doesn’t matter. I’m sure it wasn’t like this.” I point to the mountain range through the window, a sense of peace filling up my chest, the calmest I’ve ever felt in my whole entire life.

Anna, our new foster mom, glances back from the passenger seat. “I’ve always loved Tennessee, too, Lily.” Her accent is thick, but after years of living in Tennessee, I’ve gotten used to the twang. “I think you’ll really like it in Sugarlake. You know, that’s where I grew up as a little girl.”

My mind fills with visions of a young Anna, with two loving parents, and her wide smiling face as she played in her front yard and waved hi to all her neighbors. It’s all I’ve ever wanted is to have a home like that. Maybe now, I will.

She glances at her husband, Sam, and my eyes fall to where he squeezes her knee, my heart clenching at the movement.

“I’m so happy you two are here with us to experience it.”

Emotion ricochets off my insides at the memory, back when I truly believed there was light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, back then, I hadn’t realized what happened to me wasn’t okay. My body felt the trauma that my brain couldn’t yet grasp. It was only as I started to mature, that I realized it wasn’tnormalfor a forty-year-old man to touch me between my legs and tell me how much he loved me. That it wasn’tnormalfor my body to tear and bleed, making it difficult to hide the pain when I walked. That it wasn’tnormalfor me to like the way it felt when he rewarded me for keeping quiet.

Disgust crawls up my throat, wrapping around my neck, and I push the feeling aside, not wanting to face the shame that is my past. But being back in Sugarlake makes it hard to ignore.

Chase looks over at me, his fingers tapping against his steering wheel.

“You doing okay?” he asks me.

I nod, swallowing around the emotion. “Yeah. Being back here is a trip, though.” My fingers scratch at my wrist. “I guess I’m a little nervous.”

He bobs his head. “I was too when I came back for the first time.”

My brows draw in, my gaze snapping to him. I had assumed he never left. “What do you meancome back?”

His brows lift. “It’s been a long time, Lil. Life still happened even when you were gone. And things happened here that I—” He grips the roots of his hair. “I had to leave for a while. It took a lot of work,personalwork to get to a place where I could come back. Where I felt whole enough to be here.”

“Did—” I pause, the question heavy and sticking on my tongue. “Did Lee go with you?”

My heart beats double time in my chest, unsure what I want the answer to be. Years of separation and life experience may have dulled the pain of them hooking up behind my back, but their betrayal still exists like scars that twinge when touched.

Chase blows out a breath. “Goldi is the love of my life, Lily.”

Amusement bubbles in my chest at thatstupidnickname. “She still hate it when you call her that?”

He smirks. “Shelovesit when I call her that.”

I giggle, and it makes him smile, and I grab onto the lightness of the moment, hoping beyond hope that there’s a trail being blazed for our healing.

His chuckles die down, and he sighs as we roll to a stop at a red light. “I wasn’t the man that Goldi deserved for a long time, so when I left... I left without her.”

My heart falters as I watch the pain flit through his eyes, his forehead wrinkling. For the first time, I wonder about the stories my brother has to tell, and there’s a hollow ache inside of me—a missing piece that won’t ever be found, knowing I missed being around to hear them.

“But you got her back,” I state.

“I got her back,” he agrees, a blinding smile blooming on his face. “And now she’s gonna be my wife.”

My brows rise, but the words themselves aren’t that surprising. “Honestly, shocked you aren’t already married,” I mutter.

He blows out a breath. “We had a lot of work to do to get to that point.” He glances at me. “Losing you, it fucked me up, Lily.”

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