Page 89 of Beneath the Surface

Things weren’t supposed to happen this way.

“Little bird.”

Her head snaps to me, her fists gripping her brother’s shirt as his arms tighten around her. “Don’t call me that, you son of a bitch. You don’teverget to call me that again.”

I take another step forward. “Just let me explain.”

“You don’t get to explain shit to her, Mason,” Chase interrupts again. “You did your job. You can go now.”

My jaw tenses, panic wrapping around my jugular and squeezing. “Lily,” I try again.

She ignores me, burying her face in her brother’s chest. I bite back the burn that’s scorching my esophagus and nod, blowing out a breath.

Maybe this is for the best.

If there’s at least one thing I can take comfort in, it’s that she isn’t alone. Calling Chase was the right thing. He’ll catch her when she falls. So, instead of causing more grief, I back away, straddle my bike and fire it up.

And I ride away from the best thing that’s ever happened to me, terrified that she’ll never happen again.

41

Lily

My wrist is rubbed raw, but it doesn’t stop me from scratching at its surface, deepening the wound until it burns as sharply as my insides. Luckily, I’m well versed in boxing emotions and shoving them to a corner. And when they get too big to handle, or they break out of their shell, I take their place, closing my eyes and slipping into the darkness, muting everything around me so I don’t have to feel the lockjaw of their bite.

Alex… Mason… whatever the hell his name is,liedto me. He’s a liar.

I’ve had a lot of people take advantage of me in my life. A lot of trauma I’m not sure I’ll ever truly overcome. A lot of abuse at the hands of men who said they loved me.

Love.

What a bullshit word. What a bullshit concept. If this is love, I’d rather drown in someone’s hatred. At least then, I’d know what to expect.

As I sit in Chase’s motel room, adjacent to the one Jax has for himself, my mind replays every moment. My rose-tinted glasses are shattered, eyeballs bleeding from the memories. His smiles turn sinister in my mind when I realize the entire reason he introduced himself was because he was beingpaidto.

He never loved me. He just used me, like everyone else before him.

Shame bubbles under my skin at how easily he manipulated me into believing he was different. That he was someone I could trust. Bile teases the back of my throat, my head growing dizzy when I think of all of the things I told him. Things I’ve never told another soul. All of my fragile vulnerabilities held in the palm of his hand, being stroked into a false security before he goes in for the kill.

A bird with broken wings still believing they can fly.

Fuck him.

Idly, I wonder if he passed along my secrets. I stare across the motel room at my brother, questioning whether I should feel ashamed for the things he may know.

AndmyChase—my sweet baby boy—who will be absolutely devastated to lose the only man he’s ever had in his life. The only other person who’s ever shown him love.

Guilt slashes through my middle and threatens to swallow me whole. I’m so gullible. My entire life has been shaped by men who lie and cheat andmanipulate. And there I stand, in the eye of the hurricane, not realizing I’m surrounded by a storm.

Was everything a lie?The girl at the gas station called him Alexander, so for my sanity, I hold on to that small thread of hope that at least that one thing wasn’t a complete fabrication.

Confusion swims in my veins, making an ache pulse between my eyes, stomach heaving at the way my thoughts scramble. Like a ride at a carnival, I’m strapped in and spun around with nowhere to go but in circles.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Chase asks, sitting in the desk chair, his phone hanging from his hand.

I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak. I feel stupid and reckless. Like I’m stuck in a nightmare, my conscience shaking my shoulders and screaming “wake up!”but unable to actually force myself awake.

I need to call Derek.

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