Page 83 of Beneath the Surface

But what does one even say to a sibling they haven’t seen in over ten years?

I’m sorry?

I’ve missed you?

This doesn’t change a thing?

“Lily,” he says again, his voice catching on my name.

“You know my mommy?” Baby Chase’s voice breaks through the tension, his eyes big and round. Pain spreads through my sternum, regret sloshing around my stomach, heavy and thick, thatthisis his first introduction to family.

My brother’s face breaks into a soft smile, his eyes leaving mine. “Yeah, kid. I know your mommy.”

“What’s your name?” Jax cuts in, kneeling on his heels.

I blink slowly, preparing for the onslaught of emotion, not wanting to look in my brother’s eyes when he hears my son’s name.

“I’m Chase.” He beams, puffing out his tiny chest.

My brother’s nostrils flare and Jax’s mouth gapes open as both of their gazes swing to mine.

I swallow around the knot in my throat and run my fingers through my baby’s hair to keep myself calm and grounded.

“Do you—” My voice breaks, and I clear my throat and try again. “Do you guys want to come inside?” I point behind me at the apartment complex.

Chase waves his arm. “Lead the way, Lil.”

The nickname spears through my chest, rupturing the stitches that have held me together over the years, and I turn around to hide the tears forming behind my eyes. It’s an odd feeling, being so happy to see him, but wanting him to disappear.

They follow us across the street and up the stairs, my stomach tightening as memories from the other night with Alex flash through my mind, reminding me that he’s been MIA ever since. But I can’t focus on that now, not when my past has forced its way into my present.

The front door is still open from where I ran away in a hurry, and I see Chase’s eyes follow my baby boy as he runs across the living room, plopping down in front of his play area.

I walk straight to the kitchen counter, ripping open my purse and grabbing a stick of cinnamon gum, my wrist being rubbed raw from the pads of my fingers. Breathing deep, I roll my shoulders back, turning toward Chase and Jax. They’re both standing in front of the couch, taking in their surroundings.

Judging, I’m sure. “Do you guys want something to drink?”

A low laugh rumbles out of Chase, his thumb flicking over his bottom lip. “I want a lot of things, Lil, but a drink definitely isn’t at the top of my list.”

I swallow, glancing down at the worn carpet. “I was just trying to be hospitable.”

Jax pats Chase on the back, moving farther into the living room and sitting down on the couch, an easy smile gracing his features. “I’dlovesomething to drink, Lily. And then we should catch up.” His eyes glance over to my baby boy. “But... maybe not in front of such sensitive ears?”

It’s not a bad idea to send baby Chase to Susan’s, so we can talk in privacy. But the part of me that knows this is my only day of the week to spend with him holds on tight, not wanting to give up such precious moments. Still, I know they’re right. I can feel the anger floating through the air, wrapping around my neck like a noose, and he doesn’t need to be around to see the hanging.

Sucking down my pride, I nod. “Hey, baby boy, you wanna go play with Susan for a little bit and let Mommy get our new friends settled?”

Baby Chase sits up a bit straighter, the blue Lego dropping from his hand as he chews on his lip. “I want Awex.”

My heart thunks against my ribs, my stomach splitting down the middle. “Alex is busy right now, honey, but maybe later.”

His lips turn down in the corners, but he eventually nods, standing up and putting his small hand in mine. My eyes slide to our guests, Chase’s fists clenched so tight I’m surprised his fingernails aren’t breaking through the skin of his palm.

“We’ll be right back. Just...” I glance around, unease flowing through the space between us. “Make yourselves at home, I guess.”

I don’t know why they’re here, but the fact of the matter is theyare, so I need to deal with it. All I can do is hope that after we talk, they understand all of the reasons why I stayed away. Why I have tocontinueto stay away.

Because I’ll do anything to protect my child.

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