Page 66 of Beneath the Surface

Lily

He speaksFrench. He walks in the room and everyone turns to stare, but not because he’s out of place—although he is. It’s because he commands the power, effortlessly inserting himself in the center like it’s his God-given right to be there.

I’ve seen him inmyelement, but I’ve never seen him like this, and there’s something intoxicating about dominating the thoughts of the man who dominates the room.

Dinner is different than I expected, not that I have much experience to go off of. But it never crossed my mind he’d take me somewhere so fancy. And maybe that’s why he didn’t tell me, because he knew I’d say no, too uncomfortable to even think about going somewhere with several sets of utensils and crystal wine glasses for your water.

But somehow, he makes me feel comfortable in spite of that, and the sprouts of trust budding just under the surface root deeper into my chest. With every side he shows, it feels more and more like he’s trying to ground me in something permanent.

I think I’m ready to be kept.

Now we’re at Sumner Lake; a small body of water right outside of Phoenix. And even though I’ve never been here before, its familiarity rushes through my veins, memories throwing me off balance.

Lakes bring flashbacks of my past. Of times with people who I thought were friends and family. Times when I tried,reallytried, naively perhaps, to be the best version of myself. Before I accepted the fact that there are some demons you can’t outrun.

I’ve worked hard to get where I am, tonotbe the type of mother who birthed me. To not allow the things that happened to me to fuel the fear that could tarnish my son’s childhood. But when I stare out at this lake, soaking in the glow of the moon kissing glossy waters, my sorrow bleeds through the cracks, suffusing the peace with a pain so intense it steals my breath.

And just like that, my bodycravesto find the numb.

Tinkling laughter fills the air from a group of teenagers down the way, and my heart squeezes in my chest, replacing their distant blurred faces with those of my past.

Of Becca.

Lee.

Chase.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” Alex plops down behind me, his legs lining my sides and his arms wrapping around my middle.

I shake my head, sighing. “I just haven’t been to a lake in a long time.”

“You used to go a lot?”

Goose bumps sprout along my skin, but it’s not the outside that creates the chill. It’s the type of cold that seeps from your soul, spreading like molasses until the frost coats every bone, causing an ache that even the sun can’t take away. My head twists to gaze up at him, wondering if it’s even possible to spill my secrets. I’ve been burying them so long, I’m not sure I can find their shallow graves. But there’s something prodding me to dig up the skeletons, hoping the rot of pain doesn’t suffocate me under its stench.

“Yeah,” I speak slowly. “The town I used to live in surrounded a big one. We used to go all the time as kids.”

He hesitates before speaking. “Who’s we?”

My brows angle down. “What?”

“You said ‘we’, who else are you talking about?”

“Oh... my friends.” My nose scrunches in distaste as their betrayal rises through my throat and settles on my tongue, tasting just as sour as it did so many years ago. “And my brother, I guess.”

He nods. “What’s your brother’s name?”

My chest stings, the thought of him like a brand seared into my heart, the burn radiating through my middle and settling behind my eyes. “Chase,” I force out.

I expect surprise, a moment of realization that I named my son after my brother, but he simply nods, almost like he’s known it all along. “Do you still talk to him?”

“Does it matter?” I shrug.

Tingles race down my neck when his lips skim along my shoulder. “Yes,” he mutters against my skin.

“I don’t—I don’t talk to him anymore.” A tear drips from the corner of my eye, and I quickly wipe it away with the back of my hand, not wanting to show how much it truly affects me.

“How come?” he presses.

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