Page 47 of Beneath the Surface

My heart flutters at the mention of his name, and I have to bite back the smile blooming across my face.

“Yeah,” I sigh. “Alex.”

Chase’s head pops up from where he’s building Legos on the living room floor and I cringe, worry seeping through my happy moment, realizing how attached he’s grown in such a short amount of time.

“But… I don’t know, Derek.”

Derek hums. “What don’t you know about?”

I huff out a laugh. “When it comes to Alex? A hell of a lot, actually.”

“So ask.”

I scoff. “Like it’s that easy.”

“Lily… itisthat easy.”

Anxiety swirls from the middle of my stomach, wrapping around my chest and squeezing. “What if I don’t like his answer?”

Derek hums. “Well, at least you’ll know. Better to find out now than down the road, right?”

I scrunch my nose, my gut twisting. “Yeah, I guess.”

He’s silent for a few strained moments. “Lily, you deserve happiness. You don’t need to punish yourself for the rest of your life. That’s no way to live.”

My throat swells. “I’mnot.”

He chuckles, but it’s an empty sound. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

I stick a fresh piece of cinnamon gum in my mouth, holding the phone between my shoulder and ear, my fingers rubbing against my wrist.

“I’m just sayin’,” he continues. “You’ve worked extremely hard to get yourself to where you are. If this Alex guy makes you happy, then figure out whatever you need to, and just go for it.”

I chew on my lip. “I don’t know.”

“Let yourself be happy, Lily.”

“You don’t think it’s like… too good to be true? Because that’s how it feels. Like he’s some mysterious knight in shining armor, equipped with a Harley and trips to IHOP, and I’m sitting here in my low-income apartment, hiding in plain sight, waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Derek laughs. “You’ve gotta stop tryin’ to find the bad in every situation. You look hard enough, you’ll always find it.”

My heart stutters when I glance toward the living room where my baby boy is playing with his toys. “And what happens when Chase gets attached and things don’t work out? He doesn’t evenlivehere, Derek.”

“So find out where he does live. If you can’t have open and honest communication, then you don’t have much anyway.” He pauses. “Have you told him anything?”

My body tenses. “No,” I whisper.

“Well.” He blows out a breath. “If you can’t tell him about you, and he isn’t tellin’ you about him… what do you both really have, anyway?”

My chest tightens because even though I call Derek to talk me down, and keep things in perspective, that doesn’t mean I always like to hear what he has to say. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Give yourself some grace, Lily. And when things get to be too much, you know to call.”

A knock on my front door interrupts us. “Hey, someone’s at my door. But thank you. You always know how to get me straight.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re a pain in the ass, but for some reason I love you, anyway.”

Smiling, I hang up, keeping an eye on Chase in the living room as I head to the front door. My stomach tenses, picturing Alex on the other side.

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