Page 36 of Beneath the Surface

Because here I am, worming my way in, just to implode their world apart by telling her brother where she is.

But I always finish my assignments. So no matter how much I like this girl, no matter how much I care for her kid, I can’t get attached. The thought is a rock slicing down the middle of my stomach, making my insides heavy.

“You okay?” Lily asks.

“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “Everything’s great, now that you’re here.” Standing up, I step in close, running my hand over the top of Chase’s hair. “He wanted his mommy, and so did I.”

Electricity zings around my chest when her eyes spark, the apples of her cheeks flushing hot.Fuck, I have no control, but it’s so damn satisfying to get a response out of her.

Chase wiggles in her arms, and she lets him down until he’s standing with his back to us, his eyes scanning the room.

My body presses against Lily’s back, her ass brushing against me with every inhale. “We missed you,” I breathe against her neck.

She shivers and it sends a thrill racing down my spine.

“Well, thanks for bringing him,” Lily says, twisting to face me.

My stomach flips when her dark eyes meet mine. “I’ll walk you back.”

She shakes her head. “We’re just fine.” She reaches out, grabbing Chase’s hand. “Isn’t that right, baby? You’re the only man I need.” She looks down to Chase who beams up at her with a toothy grin.

“I wanna pway with Awex.”

My heart fucking skips in my chest, a smirk sliding on my face. “You hear that? He wants to play withme.” I wink, pointing to myself.

I move toward the front door, but before I get far, a small palm reaches out, stopping me in my tracks, my breath sticking in my throat.

Chase’s tiny hand grips mine, his sticky fingers the glue keeping me in place. Tethering me to this picture-perfect moment—an innocent kid between two people, excited as hell to do a simple thing like walking home.

My chest pulls when I think of all the hours I wasted once upon a time, imagining a moment just like this. Looking forward to simple seconds that ingrain themselves into your soul forever. Future memories that were stolen from me before I ever had the chance to see them through.

My heart stutters and twists until the burn radiates through every part of me. I shake my head and twirl the toothpick around with my tongue, brushing off the almost overwhelming urge for a smoke.

That was a lifetime ago, and I don’t think about the past.

It’s too dangerous.

17

Lily

We’re sitting on my couch when it happens—my past coming back to haunt my present.

It’s late, Chase is already in bed, and I’m here with Alex, my stomach clenching tight from how obviously attached Chase is getting. Alex doesn’t evenlivehere. I don’t know his last name or where he’s from. He’s a mystery that I haven’t unraveled because I’m afraid once I do, I won’t like what I find.

And it’s been so long since I’ve liked someone.

I’m also terrified he’s planning to leave, and that when he does, my child will be a broken mess on the floor. My heart splinters from the thought.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Alex reaches out and grabs my leg, but I jerk it away, my stomach jumping into my throat.

Not because I mind his touch, I don’t.

And that’s the problem.

It’s unusual not to have a visceral reaction from another person’s touch. It’s even more unusual towantthe feel of them on my skin. Past experiences have rewired my brain. Crisscrossed all the wires and neurons until the very thought of someone coming near makes me feel like I might puke. But I learned at a young age that fight or flight doesn’t work, so instead, my brain hides in a corner where it knows I’ll be safe. Sometimes when I come to, I couldn’t tell you who or what happened.

That doesn’t change the way my body wears the trauma like a second skin.

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