Page 132 of Beneath the Surface

My chest compresses, gut cramping. “What? Chase, nothing was your fault.Nothing.” I reach my good hand out to cover his on the bed. “You were the only person there for me through my entire life.” Dread rises through me, trying to force out the words. But they still won’t come. “I was keeping secrets from you long before we moved to Sugarlake.”

His face shutters.

“I had demons of my own I didn’t want anyone to see. I wish I could talk about them... I wish I—”

His hand flips under mine, twining our fingers together. “I have nightmares of that time we spent with Jason and Lydia.”

Jason.His name reverberates off the walls and slams into my middle so fast, I cower.

“Fuck, Lily, are you okay?”

My eyes burn from the tears I try so hard to hold back, and I shake my head. “I can’t talk about him.”

Chase’s entire demeanor stiffens, his nostrils flaring. Finally, he sighs, his lips twisting. “I fucking knew it. I never wanted to see it, but I fucking knew it anyway. I wrote about it in my damn journal.”

My insides cave, the darkness calling me like a siren as shame tries to pull me under its cloak. I don’t want him to think less of me now that he knows.

Suddenly, he moves, wrapping me in his arms. It stings my side, my body stiffer than it was yesterday, but I allow him to hold me, silent tears dripping down my cheeks.

“I want to heal,” I mutter. “I want to ge-get better. But I can’t talk about it yet.”

“Ssh,” he soothes. “I know better than anyone what it’s like to not be able to voice things.” He leans back, looking me in the eye. “I just wish I could have done more.” His voice chokes. “I should have cut that fucker’s dick off.”

My gaze goes to the raised flesh that runs through his left brow, and it brings an odd sense of comfort, reminding me that while my wounds run deep, we all have scars. Some more visible than others.

“You’re the best brother a girl could ask for, Chase Adams,” I whisper. “I wouldn’t just name my kid after anyone.”

His jaw muscle tics. “You and me against the world, right, Lil?”

My throat swells, my vision growing splotchy. “Forever.”

He grins, and with a kiss to my forehead, he stands up and walks out the door.

Once he’s gone, I weep for all the things I can’t voice, and I cry for all the ways I want to heal.

61

Mason

It’s been a week, and Lily hasn’t told me to leave. Technically, she hasn’t told me to stay either, but Jax and Blakely tipped me off about this bed-and-breakfast spot on the edge of town. So here I am, immersing myself in the small-town life whether Lily admits she wants me here or not.

I’ve spent every single day at Chase and Alina’s—who hasfinallygiven me permission to call her Lee—and every day, I’ve been feeling Lily’s eyes linger a little longer. Her icy walls melting a little more.

“You’re lucky he wants to play with you all the time,” Lily says, her voice startling me from where I’m watching baby Chase suck in deep, even breaths.

He fell asleep about twenty minutes ago, and I’ve been sitting here, soaking him in ever since, my gut twisting with worry over what the fuck I’ll do if she decides she doesn’t want me around. I know he’s not mine, but... hefeelslike mine.

I smirk, standing up and walking over to her. “You sure it’s notyouwho wants to play with me?”

She snorts, slapping her hand on my chest, and I grin, enjoying the light that’s slowly starting to seep back into her eyes.

Lee walks into the living room, her gaze softening as she sees how close we’re standing. “I can watch him if y’all two wanna go talk.” She waves her hand toward Chase.

Lily’s brows draw in, her head tilting. “That’s not—”

Grabbing her hand, I drag her down the hall. “That’d be great, thanks,” I holler behind my shoulder.

I follow Lily into the room and close the door, pushing her up against it, immediately crowding her space. “Do you forgive me yet?” I ask, my arms coming up to rest on the sides of her head, caging her in.

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