Page 85 of Beneath the Surface

He whooshes out a breath, running his hands through his hair and nodding. “Four years,” he mutters. “Four years.” He walks to the wall where pictures of baby Chase are hanging, his eyes bouncing from one to the next like he doesn’t know where to look first. “How old is he?”

“He’s three and a half.”

He tilts his head to the ceiling and nods. “He’s beautiful, Lil.”

My heart stutters, more tears escaping from the corner of my eyes. I’vedreamedof this. Of having Chase meet his nephew. Of them loving each other. I can’t help the seed that’s planted in the middle of my chest, threatening to tear through the soil of my melancholy and hope they get a chance.

“Thank you.” I bite back what I really want to say.

Aren’t you proud?

Can’t you see?

I didn’t end up like her.

“How did you find me?” I say instead.

He spins to face me. “I’ve beendesperateto fucking find you, Lily, for ten goddamn years.”

My breath stalls in my throat. “I didn’t want to be found.”

“Clearly,” he deadpans. “A few years ago, Sam and Anna hired a PI to look for you.”

My chest tightens, the two letters echoing through my chest cavity, reminding me of Alex and his sudden disappearing act. A chill skates up my spine.

“They did?” The thought of Sam and Anna makes sadness wind through my muscles, the tendons tearing from the weight of my guilt. They were good to me, and I loved them.Lovethem. But they were easy to manipulate. Some mistakes are ones you have to live with for the rest of your life. Taking advantage of Sam and Anna is one of mine.

Not everyone is meant for redemption. Some of us are destined to live in purgatory, hoping we get a chance to repent in the next life. I’ve made peace with that, but it doesn’t make the want to right my wrongs any less potent.

Chase nods. “About a year ago, I decided to hire him again.”

“You should have just stopped looking,” I mutter.

“Do you haveanyidea what you put me through, Lily? What life was like once you were gone?” He steps closer, his eyes blazing with his heartbreak.

“I know, I—”

“No,” he interrupts. “I don’t think youdo. You have no clue.”

A tear drips down my face and I wipe it with the back of my hand, biting back the sob that wants to tear through my throat. “I’m sorry, Chase. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

He blows out a breath, his hands resting on the nape of his neck. “It’s okay. I mean...” He shakes his head. “It’snotokay, but once you’re back home, we’ll have time to work things out.”

Shock cramps my stomach. I’ve never seen a situation that Chase has wanted to tackle head-on, and this change in his personality is jarring, a stark reminder that he continued to grow while I was gone. I don’t know the man standing in front of me, and that makes grief stick to my lungs. It’s heavy, weighing down each breath with the reality that lost years can never be found.

I swallow around the thick saliva pooling in my mouth. “Wait, what do you mean ‘when we go home’?”

His hands drop to his sides. “Back to Sugarlake, Lily.” His brows draw in. “Did you really think I was coming all this way tonottake you back with me?”

I scoff. “I’m an adult, Chase.”

“Really?” he sneers. “Wish I could have been around to see it.”

I wince. “I deserve that.”

He huffs out a laugh, plopping down in the seat next to me. I can feel the shift of energy, the anger draining away, releasing its gripping hold on the air as he breathes deep and mouths silent words to himself. My eyes widen as I watch him gain control, in awe of the man he’s become without me. The Chase I remember would have lost his shit and asked questions later.

He turns toward me, pasting a smile on his face. “We can work out the details later, I just...” His hand rubs his chest. “Ifeelso fucking much right now, and it’s overwhelming. I don’t want you to think I’m not ready to hear you.”

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