Page 48 of Beneath the Surface

Derek’s right. I need to talk to him. I learned a long time ago that I’m not a good judge of character. And there’s a niggling in the back of my mind that reminds me of it every time I think about letting go of all my reservations and diving in one hundred percent.

Opening the door, my breath sticks in my throat, because it isn’t Alex on the other side, it’s Susan.

“Wow, Susan! Hi.” I smile, trying to ignore the weight of disappointment that’s sinking in my chest.

“Hi, honey.” She waves. “Just thought I’d pop over and let you know I’m back in town.”

“How’s your sister? Do you want to come in?” I move to the side, gesturing behind me, but she shakes her head, running a hand through her graying hair. “No, sugar, I’m fine, and so is my sister, thank the lord.” She puts her hands out to the sides.

I smile. “I’m glad to hear she’s doing better.” My stomach tightens as a thought drops into my head. “So you’re all good to watch Chase again?”

“I’ve missed that boy.” She nods, chuckling. “Who would have guessed a toddler would be easier to care for than a grown-ass woman.”

“Wow. Your sister must be a treat,” I joke.

I’m happy to see Susan, but even as relief flows through my veins, my gut sinks to the floor, because if she’s here then Alex doesn’t need to be. And I can’t help but wonder whether he’ll stick around.

Derek’s earlier words flow through my brain, telling me to just “let myself be happy,” but as much as I wish it was that easy to give in and justbe, it isn’t. There’s no magic switch to flip that changes the wiring of your brain, or the caution that has poisoned your blood. And I learned a long time ago there’s no such thing as a happy ending. There are only temporary falsehoods—illusions that shatter once you’re pushed from the ledge, eyes uncovered to watch yourself fall.

But Derekisright in one thing. I’ll never get anywhere if we don’t talk. And if Alex is going to brand his ownership with a kiss on my lips, then I need to make sure he’s in it for the long haul.

For my sake,andfor my baby boy’s.

“Hey, do you think you can watch Chase for a few hours tonight?” I ask Susan.

Susan’s eyebrows rise but she bobs her head. “Of course. I’m back for good, honey, so I’m here whenever you need. Just bring him on over.” Her hand reaches out and squeezes my forearm.

She turns to leave and I close the door, telling myself that everything will be fine. That Susan coming back is a sign, letting me know I need to make a decision regarding Alex. Either I let thisthingwe’re doing continue, or I put a stop to it before it becomes even harder to walk away.

The butterflies erupting in my stomach let me know which way Iwantthings to go.

But if that’s going to happen, then I need some answers.

And tonight, I’m going to get them.

23

Mason

Iwas planning to go see Lily today. I’m not needed, it’s her day off, but there’s an anticipation that sits low in my gut, making me want to spend every free second with her. It’s an odd feeling, wanting to be around someone just to soak in their presence.

But that was before I saw my shitbag father on TV, smiling for the cameras like he isn’t a snake in sheep’s clothing. That’s all anybody ever is, isn’t it? Millions of people hiding who they truly are behind fake smiles and happy faces. No one ever tells the truth. What you see is almost never what you get.

I guess in the end, we all have our secrets.

Glancing at the clock, I hop up, grabbing the unopened pack of Parliaments and a lighter, my body vibrating with volatility, pushing me out the door to give into the numbing buzz that only nicotine can provide.

I need time to process, to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.Where the hell I’m going to go. Just as my fingers grasp the doorknob, there’s a knock on the other side, the sound so jarring it makes me step back a few paces, my chest jolting.

My brows draw in.Who the fuck?

Opening the door, my stomach clenches tight when I come face-to-face with Lily. The temper inside simmers, doused by a calm that only she provides.

“Hey, little bird.” My eyes drink her in, allowing the sight of her to wash away the worries of my past.

“Hiya.” She grins, her hands in her back pockets. “Hope it’s okay to stop by like this. I had to uh...” She looks around, reaching up and brushing the hair from her eyes. “Had to ask the front desk which room was yours.”

My brow quirks. “And they just gave it to you?”

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