Page 39 of Beneath the Surface

“Is Chase why you got sober?”

My stomach twists, but then I pause, realizing he doesn’t knowthatChase. He’s obviously asking about my baby boy.

My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth as I nod. “The thought—” My voice catches on the rough edges of my words, and I take a deep breath to try again. “The thought of something similar happening to Chase, because of me, makes my heart feel like it’s splitting in half.”

He hums. “You’re a good mom.”

I huff out a breath, reaching over to rub at my opposite wrist. I hit Alex’s hand instead, and he grabs on, interlocking our fingers.

“You think?” My throat swells. “Sometimes I think about how easy it would be to become a bad one.”

His hand squeezes mine, and maybe it’s because he’s not judging, or maybe it’s because it feels good tofinallytalk about it, but I can’t stop the next words from spewing out of my mouth. “It was just coke at first. A line here and there to take the edge off. But then… you know how it goes.” I shrug.

He cocks his head. “Why don’t you tell me, anyway?”

I stare down at our entwined hands, not wanting to look him in the eyes as I talk, too afraid of what I’ll see. “I liked the way it felt. Suddenly, I didn’t have to pretend, you know? Didn’t have to consciously put the extra bounce in my step or the gigantic smile on my face, because it was just there. And after years of pretending, of being this gigantic bubble of energy, it was relieving to have something else holding the mask in place. To hide the pain somewhere even I couldn’t reach.”

“Pain from what?” Alex whispers.

I open my mouth but emotion clogs the airway, a phantom pain rippling across my chest.

“I don’t wanna talk about that.” I shake my head. “Ican’t.”

He nods, bringing my hand to his mouth.

His lips are surprisingly soft when they graze against my skin, but the impact is the harshest I’ve ever felt. It creates an inferno of fire that rages through my veins, melting away the chains that lock up my vulnerabilities, keeping them in the dark.

Alex’s lips move farther, skimming across my wrist,and I collect his kisses like candy. One for every scar. One for every mark.

It’s minimal what he’s doing, but really, it’s fuckingeverything.

My body vibrates, regret for my weakness, and arousal from his attention spinning a twisted, sick web inside of me, tossing my stomach and creating an ache between my thighs.

“Wh-what are you doing?” I stutter.

“Kissing you,” he replies, his voice deep.

“Why?” I choke out.

He pauses, his breath hot as it wafts over my wrist, his eyes gazing up at me from under his lashes. “Because you deserve to be kissed.”

My heart catapults, smashing any restraint I had on the way down. I yank my arm free and grab his face, pulling until the top half of his body hovers in front of mine, my hands framing his jaw.

His free hand comes up, his thumb pressing firmly against my bottom lip. “I plan to kisseverypart of you, little bird.”

I suck in a breath, the moment tense and strained, my eyes darting between his, searching for the truth in his words. I’m not sure if I find it, but something snaps inside of me—a dam that’s been fracturing for weeks—Alex the culprit behind the break. And as the water floods through my system and drowns my reservations, I surge forward, our lips meeting in a frenzy.

He groans, the sound deep and gravelly, scraping along my insides and lighting my nerves on fire. My fingers thread through the hair at the nape of his neck, needingsomethingto grasp on to.

Wrapping his arms around my middle, his calloused palms slide underneath my shirt, the cold metal of his rings a shock to my heated skin. He jerks me roughly until our bodies are plastered together, our chests dancing with heavy breaths. His tongue darts out, swiping at my bottom lip, and I moan, sucking it into my mouth and twirling it around my own, the base of my stomach crackling with sparks that send shock waves through my body.

He leans farther into me, forcing me to lie back on the couch, his hand slipping around my head until his fingers thread through the strands of my hair.

And then… he pulls.

The sharp sting is a jolt to my system, causing a gasp to leave my mouth. The harsh tugging causes a flood of desire to shoot through my veins and pool between my legs.

“How do you like it, little bird?” he rasps against my ear.

---