Page 98 of Beneath the Hood

I gesture to the bag. “You just licked your fingers and now you’re double-dipping.”

She laughs, shrugging her shoulders. “And you’re deflectin’.” She points at me. “Tell me, Mr. King of one-night stands, how did the girl you used to hate come to be yourlovahhh.” She draws out the word, wiggling her eyebrows.

I chuckle, my fingers playing with the chain of my necklace. “I don’t know. It just kind of… happened. Her dad asked me to watch out for her, and when I did, I realized that she was so much more than I thought.”

“Weren’t you already babysittin’? You used to call it that all the time.” She narrows her eyes at me. “Back when we used to talk every week.”

I cringe, remembering all the times I complained about Blakely. Back then, she was just some young girl who got under my skin and pushed all my buttons. But that was before my irritation for who she pretends to be transformed into passion for who she is.

“Maybe I spoke it into existence.” I grin, moving around and reaching in the bag to grab a chip. “You once told me I’d find the everything kind of love… that it would knock me on my ass. Do you remember that?”

Her eyes gloss over as she nods, her hand coming up to rest on her heart. “Jax, are you tellin’ me you’re in love with this girl?”

Something warm and tender fills up my chest. “Yeah, sweetheart. She’s my everything.”

45

Blakely

Iwake up later than normal on Tuesday morning, and while I feel more rested than I have in years, my brain automatically goes into flight or fight mode, racing around the room like I have somewhere to be.

Every still second is a second wasted.

It isn’t until I’m halfway through my fasted cardio that I remember Idon’tactually have somewhere to be. But instead of freedom, I feel the sting of sadness wrapping itself around me. The only reprieve I get is knowing that because I haven’t told Sierra of my freed-up schedule, I have the day to just…be.

I don’t know the last time I’ve ever spent a morning doing absolutely nothing. The thought shoots an uncomfortable tingle down my spine, but I ignore it.My stomach tightens around nothing, the emptiness of fasted cardio always bringing me a sense of accomplishment, and I grasp onto the fiery burn, hoping it will propel me through the rest of my day.

Or at least until the next workout.

I jump off the spin bike the second I hit one thousand calories and rush my way back up to my room where I left my phone, unable to stem the urge that’s pushing at my back, telling me to man up and justread Jackson’s messages.

Unlocking my screen, my breaths still coming in sharp gusts from exercise, I open up the string of texts.

Jackson: Sorry I missed your call. You still heading over?

Jackson: Hello?

Jackson: Blake, are you okay? I’m starting to get worried.

Jackson: Good morning. Please call me.

Nothing after that.

My chest sparks with regret, shame flaring because I couldn’t keep it together when I saw him with that girl. That instead of handling it like an adult, I spiraled into the mess that I try so hard to hide from the world.

The part that I hate about myself the most.

At the first sign of something not going my way, I fall apart at the seams. I don’twantto be this way. I’m sick of feeling like a malfunction. A broken doll that’s patched together to try and fool the world.

Blowing out a deep breath, I text back.

Me: Hi. I’m sorry. I was a mess last night and I should have responded sooner. Can we talk today?

I don’t expect an immediate response, but before I can even set my phone down, three bubbles pop up on the screen. My heart jumps.

Jackson: A friend from back home showed up in town so I’m taking today off to spendsome time. Do you want to meet her?

The first thing I feel is relief. Every crazy scenario that looped through my brain all night disappears like they never even existed, because he didn’t hide her from me. He’s being honest and open. But then, as the words sink into my brain, my insides tighten like a drawstring, wrangling like a noose around my throat.

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