Page 35 of Beneath the Hood

Sighing, I run my hand through my hair. “Look, Cee, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what time it was and I...”

“You what?”

Folding in on myself, my forehead rests on my knees as I close my eyes. “I fell asleep.”

The line is silent for long, stretched moments, my chest pulling tighter with each one.

Sierra heaves a deep breath over the line. “Look, I’m not your mother, okay? I didn’t sign up to be a babysitter when I took this job, yet that’s what I’m here doing.”

Irritation snaps at my spine, making me stiffen from her words. “No one asked you to babysit, Sierra. I know I’ve been off my game the past few days, but god.” I huff, throwing my body back into the couch. “I haven’t had a day off in years. My entire life has been focused on work, and now with my dad’s sudden need for me to be involved in his company, it’s like... I don’t have any time to breathe.”

“B, if you want a day off you need to tell me so we can arrange it. The fact is you have responsibilities thatyousigned up for. No one is forcing you into this.”

Jackson’s words from earlier whisper in the back of my head, feeding my growing ire at being lectured. “Exactly,” I snap. “You work forme. Sometimes, I think you forget that.”

She scoffs. “Look. If you don’t want to do this anymore... if your goals have somehow shifted in the past few weeks and you’re tired of being‘Blakely Donahue’,then let me know. You say the word and we’ll stop. I’ll go work for someone else and you can slink into the shadows of your father, letting people forget that you ever wanted to make a name for yourself.”

My stomach jumps into my throat, my heart seizing. Every word she says cuts my sternum like barbed wire, wrapping itself around me, the sharp edges pressing until I bleed. “No, I want this.Of course,I still want it.”

“Then act like it, Blakely.”

“It was just a few days, Cee. You sound like the world is ending,” I mutter, my attention being drawn away by movement from the kitchen.

“And you should know better than anybody that a few days out of the spotlight is a few days too many.”

My veins heat with realization, the shame flooding through me. She’s right. I’ve been throwing away years of hard work, and for what? A few normal moments?

Weak, Blakely.

“Yeah... I know.”

“Do you?” she continues. “Let’s recap, just so you understand the gravity of the situation. You have wastedthousandsof dollars over the past week. You’ve had people come in, ready to work, and you weren’t here for the follow-through, wasting everyone’s time. You’ve had branded posts which were scheduled to be up that haven’t even been shot. Your tantrums and your straight-up irresponsibility have made you unreliable and that’s not something that goes unnoticed. People talk and there’s only so much PR we can do to save you once the rumors start.”

Her words press heavy on my chest, sinking into my muscles and irritating the nerves, making them dance under my skin, ready to burst through at any second.

How could I have been so stupid?

What the hell have I been thinking?

I’ve let myself get lost in fantasies of a girl I don’t even want to be. A girl who may have existed once upon a time but is now nothing more than a memory. A girl I’ve worked tirelessly for years to bury.

My free hand curls into a fist, my lungs being crushed by the weight of my self-loathing.

Idiot.

Pitiful.

Worthless.

One. Two. Three. Deep breath in.

“Listen, B. Tomorrow we’re focusing on this new platform that wants you to help create buzz. They have a contract for you to look over, see if it’s something you’re interested in.”

I reach to the side of the couch, grabbing my shoes so I can get ready to leave, trying to pay attention to Sierra’s voice to keep me centered.

“It isimperativethat you’re on time for this, okay? I’ll be at your place by eight. Please, please be ready to go. Work on whatever shit you need to tonight and get your head back in the game.”

I nod even though she can’t see, afraid to try and speak around the knot in my throat. Sharp pains prick my chest with every inhale.

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