Page 24 of Beneath the Hood

Alina.

It took everything in me not to pick up when she called.What if she’s hurt? What if she’s breaking and all alone?

Memories of the times I’ve held her together play on a loop, a physical ache spreading through my chest.

I’ve happily been Lee’s shield, protecting her from the impact every time her world crumbled, but if I continue to jump and say how high whenever she comes running, I’ll never move on.

And Ihaveto move on.

It just sucks I’m losing my best friend in the process, at least temporarily. Maybe one day I’ll be able to hear her voice—look her in the face and not feel my heart fracture from the longing that slices through it. Won’t feel the disappointment wrapping around my chest and sinking into my gut, knowing the guilt in her eyes is because she doesn’t love me back.

It isn’t her fault, after all. You can’t choose who your soul aches for. It’smystupidity that’s to blame. For seeing all the signs and not listening to them. For believing I’d be okay with second best if it meant she was mine for even a moment. For falling while she was busy waiting for someone else.

So, I silenced my phone and gave my attention to Blakely. The girl whodoesneed me.

Blakely didn’t ever answer my question about her panic attacks, but I didn’t keep pushing. I can tell by the stiffness in her shoulders and the bite in her words it’s a subject she doesn’t like to talk about, and while I’d love to help, I’m not her therapist, so I let the subject go.

I don’t need her to open up to me, I just need her to know she’s not alone.

But I’m intrigued by her now, which is both a problem and a blessing.

A problem because she’s done nothing but throw herself at me at every turn, and my body has done nothing but try and convince me to give in.

A blessing because she can be my focus, a distraction from the thoughts of Sugarlake and everything that comes with it.

She’s a solution. A way for me to help someone who needs it, keep my boss happy, and keep my mind occupied until I can heal my heart enough where it doesn’t sting with every beat.

But Blakely isn’t here right now. And when I get to the silence of the kitchen, I can’t stop from grabbing my phone and pressing play on my messages.

“Hey, Teeth.” Lee’s voice fills the empty space in the room.

I roll my eyes at the nickname as I fill a glass with water, my stomach tightening from the vision it brings up. From the smell of banana bread as it warmed my hands and a blue-eyed, honey-blonde-haired beauty smiling wide on my front porch.

“Are those your real teeth?”

Something sparks in my chest, lighting up my insides like fireworks as I watch her eyes grow big and round, like she didn’t mean to say the words but couldn’t control her mouth.

“You think I have fake teeth?” I grin.

She shrugs. “I mean… maybe?”

Shaking my head out of the memory, I chug the tepid water, resting my hands on the counter, my head hanging as I listen to the rest of her message.

“I was just callin’ to check in. See how things are goin’ out there in sunny Cali.” She sighs. “I know you said we had to say goodbye. You know, to appreciate the hellos and all. But,” her voice breaks. “I was hopin’ this could be one of those hellos? I promise I’ll appreciate the crap out of it. I mean, dang, Teeth, I don’t know if we’ve ever gone more than a week without talkin’... it feels like a lifetime.”

The knot lodged in my throat grows, tears sprouting along my lower lids as I swallow down the burn.

“... and there’s so much that’s changed around here already. Feels wrong you’re not a part of it.”

Like usual, my stomach twists, every single pathetic beat of my heart whispering thewhat-ifsthrough my veins.

What if she needs me?

I could go home on some weekends still… check in on my mom—check in onher.

“Anyway, Daddy’s in rehab. The whole dang town knows about his drinkin’ problem now. I reckon most already did.”

My eyebrows draw in.She thinks everyone knew?I was by her side for years, and I had no idea. I’m not sure if that’s a reflection on how talented Lee is at hiding things or how good I’ve gotten at choosing to be blind.

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