Page 126 of Beneath the Hood

“Things just weren’t working out in California anymore.” Nausea rolls through my gut as a sharp bite of pain drops through my middle.

Lee’s eyes darken, her shoulders slumping, and I can see in her gaze that she understands what I’m saying. She presses her lips together and clears her throat, resuming her cutting on the board. “That’s a real shame, Teeth. But we’re glad to have you home.”

Home.

Eli shows up not long after and then dinner’s ready, everyone sitting down and digging in. But my appetite is gone, lost somewhere between realizing that Blakely felt more like home than Sugarlake ever did, and having to douse the irritation that cuts across my skin whenever I see Chase’s face.

Of course, nobody else recognizes the tension that stretches the air thin across the table. Or maybe they do, and they’re choosing to ignore it. Focus on the fact that I’m here, instead of admitting that none of them haveeverrecognized that Chase didn’t only leave Lee.

He left me too.

“So, tell us about California,” Becca says.

Lee’s eyes meet mine across the table as she shovels a bite of mashed potato into her mouth.

My gut churns, wanting nothing less than to talk about what I’ve left behind. “Nothing to tell.”

Becca’s nose scrunches. “Okay, weirdo. Keep your secrets.”

Eli clears his throat, standing up. “We’re stopping by Dad’s after this, Lee, do you want us to take him some of this food?”

Lee smiles and nods, jumping up. “Yeah, lemme put some in a container for y’all to take. Remind him I’ll be there tomorrow mornin’ to pick him up for his AA meetin’ over in Sweetwater, okay?”

I sit back, happy to have the attention off of me, but a sadness pressing down on my chest seeing that while I was so focused on needing space their lives continued without me.

As everyone starts to move around, Chase sits at the head of the table watching me, not saying a word. Suddenly, he stands up and walks to the fridge, grabbing two beers and sitting down in the seat next to me.

Silently, he slides one over.

My jaw tics, but I lean back in my chair and take small sips, the fizz burning as it slides down my throat. And for the first time since I stepped into the house, the knot in my stomach unravels the tiniest bit, because I know that out of everyone here, Chase won’t push me for answers. He won’t make me talk when there’s nothing I’d be able to say.

Just like when we were kids, he sits there in silence.

Keeping me company.

And whether I want to or not, I feel a little less alone.

* * *

Time continuesto pass and eventually I fall back into a routine.

But the days are long with nothing on my agenda, and while my mom’s company is nice, after so many days in a row she’s driving me absolutelyinsane.

“Why don’t you take over the rent at my place?” Becca says, after I bitch to her and Lee while we meet for Saturday brunch.

It’s an old tradition, one that we used to do religiously every Saturday for years. Back then it was a way to keep Lee from sinking too deep in her depression. Now, it would seem, the two of them think I need the same type of help.

I still haven’t been able to bring myself to tell Becca about Blakely. Some wounds are just too painful and I’d rather forget altogether. Allow myself the space to move on without her constantly being brought into conversation.

My mouth screws up. “And live with you?Pass.”

“No, dumbass.” She rolls her eyes. “Eli’s been beggin’ me to move in with him for the past month anyway. Ever since he decided to claim me for himself.” She grins like the cat that got the cream. “I’ve been holdin’ off because Doc says it’s important to go slow, but... to hell with it, ya know?”

“Dang, Becca,” Lee groans. “Can youpleasequit talkin’ about my brother and your extracurricular activities? It makes me gag.”

Becca sips from her mimosa. “We’re all adults here, Lee. You don’t hear me complainin’ when you drone on about Chase fuckin’ you six ways from Sunday.”

Lee’s nose scrunches. “It’s still gross.”

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