Page 124 of Beneath the Hood

“You have a heart that gives until it bleeds, Jackson, and that’s a quality to be proud of. But it’s not your job to pick up everyone else’s pieces.” She blinks, her eyes watery. “And if I’ve let you live your life thinking you somehow let us down by not doing enough, by not being there...” She goes quiet, glancing down at the table. “Well... I guess we both have some self-reflection we need to do, huh.”

I don’t respond and she doesn’t say anything else. We simply sit and drink tea in silence, her hand grasping mine, and me doing what she says we should.

Reflecting.

And the longer I do, the more I think that maybe behind the heartbreak, behind the hurt of everything that’s happened in my life, there’s a single catalyst.

Me, trying to atone for my past mistakes.

Filling the hole left by my father with this urge to be what everyone needs, heartbreak suctioning to my bones and leaching all the marrow, desperate to cling tosomethingthat feels real.

So, while losing Blakely guts me, the thought of ever loving someone else like a carotid artery that’s been splinched, I know that placing all the blame on her isn’t entirely fair. And it isn’t going to help.

I’ll live through the break and somehow I’ll learn to move on.

54

Jackson

Ispent the rest of the day testing out the waters, slowly immersing myself into the public around town, worried there would be people hounding me for information, desperate to know if Blakely Donahue was the reason I came back.

But then I realized, this isSugarlake. A town filled with primarily older generations who could care less about celebrity gossip. There’s no need when there’s enough drama going around our small city streets to light up the whole town.

As I walk through the grocery store, perusing the shelves, my shoulders relax because nobody questions a thing.

“Be still my beatin’ heart.”

My stomach jumps at the voice and I spin around, a smile growing on my face. “Rebecca Jean, how did I know you’d be the first person I’d see?”

She smirks, her bright red curls swishing as she shakes her head. “You’re an asshole.”

I raise a brow, pointing at myself. “Me?”

“You ignored my calls,dick, and then you come back here and don’t even tell us? Honestly, the nerve.”

Laughing, I drag her into my arms. “I’m sorry, Becs. I have a lot to make up for.”

She hugs me back, speaking into my shirt. “Yeah, you bet your ass you do. Does Lee know?”

Guilt weaves its way through the cracks as I think about how Lee doesn’t know. But with her knowledge comes questions, and I’m just not ready to answer them yet. “No, I just got in. Thought I’d surprise you guys.”

“Baby girl, I—” A tall man with honey-blond hair walks around the corner and my eyes widen slightly as they take him in.

Elliot Carson. Lee’s brother. I had forgotten him and Becca hooked up.

Eli’s voice trails off as he sees me, his eyes taking in my arms as they wrap around Becca’s waist.

His lips turn down and he slowly walks toward us. “Jax?”

Becca steps away and he pulls her into his side. His posture screams possession and I smirk, amusement spinning through my chest that he thinks I’m a threat.Good.

I’m not, of course. Becca’s one of the only girls around here that I haven’tbeen with, but Eli abandoned Lee when she needed him the most, and I still haven’t forgiven him for that.

“What is this?” I point between them. “You two a couple now?”

Becca blushes and nods in response to my question and jealousy sears my insides as I watch her gaze up at him with love, him tipping up her chin and pressing a kiss to her lips like they’re the only two people in the room.

Idreamedof having that with Blakely. Of being able to touch her and kiss her in public. How fucking pathetic.

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