Page 49 of Always. Forever.

Toni and I are at the bar, waiting for our drinks, it was too loud to even hear what she ordered us, but I’m past the stage of caring. I just want to get drunk. Men keep approaching us, and from what I can tell, and slightly hear now and then, Toni has gone with us being lesbians and here with each other. She grabs my hand every time, apologizing to them. We used to always do this when we were younger and were being hit on by a guy we did not want to talk to.

Toni is single and can do what she wants, but this is why she is the best friend a girl could ask for; she turns down guys I know are her type just so we can have our night together. I know I don’t deserve this girl; she puts everything into our friendship, and I put all but half. I know she understands I’m just always running around doing stuff, but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. We grab our drinks and head straight to the dance floor, doing what we came here to do: get drunk and dance.

The night passes by in a blur, and I have no idea what I am drinking now, but what I do know is I feel great. I feel better than great. I feel amazing. Ton and I have not stopped dancing, my feet hurt but I welcome the ache. I don’t want this night to end.

Toni moves closer, shouting in my ear, “Shall we go?”

I lean back away from her and shrug.

“This music is not it,” she says.

She is right, it changed about an hour ago. Toni and I have no idea what music this is now. I’m thinking the latest chart music, which we clearly don’t know anything about, then I feel old as the thought passes through my head. I nod at her as we sway toward the doors, still moving our hips even though we don’t know the songs.

As we squeeze our way outside, the cold air hits our face. We let out a giggle. I was already feeling drunk but now I’m feelingdrunnnkkk. We hold on to each other while walking away from the club. We are giggling at nothing. My ankles keep buckling as I walk. My feet are killing me, but the drunkenness makes the pain bearable. I can only imagine the state we look right now, but I’m too drunk to even care. I have no idea how long we have been walking, but we stop looking at each other, look around and then burst out laughing again.

“Where are we even going?” I laugh out. Toni is bent over, laughing, the kind of laugh that has tears leaking from your eyes.

“I have no idea,” she says, still laughing and holding her stomach.

“Come on, I think the cab office is down here.” I loaded up my Uber app back at the club, but it said there weren’t any available. We walk down a street which seems lively, there are loads of pubs and clubs lined up. People drunk-shouting, some sitting in the corners of the shut shop doorways eating greasy food, looking like the best thing ever presented to them on this earth. The smells make my stomach moan.

“Ahh, I need food,” I say, eyeing up people’s food as we walk past.

“McDs?” Toni smirks.

“Yes!” I shout way too enthusiastically, gathering the attention of some near passerbys.

Toni stops, bends down, unstraps her heels, and takes them off, holding my arm as she does. While I wait, I look around and that’s when I see it. Freedom. Where we were the night Jace entered my life. I stand rooted to the spot, staring at the club. Everyone around me becomes distant, and I barely hear anything else. I stare at the huge red sign on the front of the building.

“Rylee. Rylee. Look at me, babe.” Toni is snapping her fingers in my face. I break out of my stare and all the noise around us comes back full force. Toni’s brows are drawn together as her wide, panicked eyes flit between mine. She realized what I was staring at.

“I want to go in,” I whisper. It’s probably the drink telling me this. I think if I was sober, I would have run a mile away by now, but it’s like a magnet is pulling me toward it.

Toni is shaking her head. “No, you don’t, Ry.”

“Please.” I beg her with my eyes. “Please.” I squeeze her hand.

She takes a deep breath and grabs my hand. “C’mon, then,” she huffs. “I promised you I would make you forget tonight, Ry.”

I pull on her arm, stopping her. “You have. I have had the best night!” I don’t want her thinking all her effort was for nothing, I don’t remember the last time I laughed so much. She nods, looking down.

It was the best until now, but that’s not her fault.

We get to the doors, and the bouncers stand aside, letting us straight in, not even asking to check our ID. Toni takes one look at me, as if asking if I’m sure I want to do this. I give her a sharp nod and we walk in.

Freedom was always one big open club, it’s huge in here with extremely high ceilings. I look around and nothing has changed.Not a thing.The DJ stand is still where it always was, the bar is exactly the same. The black and silver stripe walls haven’t changed. I just stand there, taking everything in. The music is pumping through the speakers, everyone is happy and dancing away to much better music than what was playing in Lockdown. I walk up the stairs toward the long bar at the very back, and there is a bartender ready to take my order. I order Toni and me a vodka and cola. I probably shouldn’t drink anymore alcohol, but I need it to take the edge off. Toni saddles up on one of the chairs beside me, waving down another bartender.

“I already ordered drinks.”

“We need shots,” she deadpans. She orders us two tequila shots from another bartender as our drinks are served. The guy makes quick work of pouring our shots and puts them in front of us with a slice of lemon sitting in the top and places the saltshaker between us. Toni grabs my hand and shakes salt on the back, we look at each other as Toni raises her shot glass.

“To memories.”

“To memories,” I mumble out. We go straight in for the salt and then down the tequila. I don’t even bother with the lemon, chucking it back on the bar. I welcome the burn the tequila leaves in my chest.

“Nothing’s changed,” I say. “Yet so much has.” I didn’t think I would get emotional in here but, looking around, it’s like a film playing back. Observing the dance floor, I see me, Toni, Tash, Jayleigh, and Rosa all dancing. Happy in the moment, happy in life. I look over toward the restrooms and my stomach sinks. It’s like an out of body experience. I see Jace as he bumps into my shoulder. I see it all. I look to my right and see him next to me, looking at me. The blue eyes staring back at me. The huge smile that lights up any room he walks in. I see him.

A sob escapes me as I feel a pull on my shoulders, then he disappears.

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