Page 47 of Always. Forever.

I nod, knowing she is right. I have tried telling myself this over and over again, but the feeling won’t go away. I’m so weak, everything just hurts.

“I spoke to Toni earlier,” she states. She turns around, continuing to empty the dishwasher.

“She is coming around tonight. She is going to stay the night and you are going to have a girls’ night, Ry. You need it.”

“Okay,” I mutter. I walk back to bed. I will get up once Ton is here. For now, I’m going to sleep because that is all my body is screaming out for.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Tonileftearlymorningas she needed to go to work, she said she would play hooky, but I basically forced her to get ready and leave. She kept saying she would stay another night, and I could tell she actually wanted to, but I think, in a weird way, I need to get used to being on my own and not lying in bed all day. She brought bags of chocolate and wine. We binge watchedSpinning Outon Netflix, and I loved it. We only paused if we needed to go the toilet or top our wine up. It was the first night I have felt normal, and, as bad as it sounds, Jace wasn’t mentioned once. I did, for a few hours, forget every shitty thing going on in my life and enjoyed time with my friend.

I need to start facing facts: Jace isn’t here, and he isn’t coming back. As much as even thinking it pains me, it’s been only nine days, and I swear I still feel his touch and smell him in certain rooms I walk in. Especially his office. I have only been in there twice, and I can’t bring myself to go in there often. There is too much of him in there, everything he loved, his whole life is in that room, so for now, I keep it shut.

I texted Rachel this morning, telling her I am coming back to work next week. She has been texting and ringing nonstop. I told her I would reach out when I was ready. She still sent me daily texts, telling me she was thinking of me and will always be there. She was at the funeral, but I didn’t get to speak to her as much as I would have liked to.

Rachel thinks I should take more time off, but I can’t sit in this apartment day in and day out again. I got like this when my mom died, staying in bed all day, crying, not wanting to talk to anyone. I’m slowly going back to that again, actually, I am already there, but back then, I had Jace to pull me out of it. Don’t get me wrong, I have Jace’s family and all my friends but it’s not the same. I have to pull myself out of it this time, I’m the only one who can do it.

My phone chimes for the one-hundredth time this week. I pick it up, seeing a notification I have many unread messages. I need to eventually go through and reply to people, but now is not the time.

The last message is from Cash. I open it up.

Cash:Rylee. Can I pop around today? I need to go through some of Jace’s documents he has in the office.

Of course Cash is back to work, like father, like son. I’m sure there is loads of stuff in the office that Cash needs, Jace used to work from home a lot, so he had a lot of confidential information in the safe and many, many files. It will probably take Cash a while to go through it all. As much as I don’t want to be here when he does it, I really cannot be bothered to go out today. Yes, I am trying to make myself better but baby steps. I sigh, replying and telling him that’s fine and to come over whenever.

I don’t get a reply from Cash but a couple of hours later, the door buzzes. Assuming it’s Cash, I buzz him up without checking. I open my front door and head back into the living room and turn the TV back on. I have started rewatchingTwilight. This is my comfort show, without a doubt. I have lost count of how many times I have seen this film.

A throat clears behind me. I’m surprised Cash has actually came to say hello. I turn around and am taken aback to see James standing there.

I jump up. “James? I didn’t know you were coming over today?”

He rubs the back of his neck and shifts from foot to foot.

“Yeah. I thought you might not want to see me if I just texted, so I thought I would just drop in. I was quite surprised to see you just buzzed me in, were you expecting someone else?” He eyes me up with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah, uh, Cash.” James stills, titling his head to the side, squinting at me before dropping his chin to the floor. “He said he was popping over today to go through some work stuff in Jace’s office,” I clarify, pointing to the door—not that I need to.

James glances up, nodding slowly, then continues to shift and fidget.

“Would you like a coffee or—”

“A coffee would be great.”

I don’t want to sit and have a small talk with James, but I feel rude standing here not offering.

I walk past him, making my way to the kitchen. He follows me in, taking a seat at one of the island stalls.

“I actually came over here to say sorry for the other night at Jace’s wake, Ry.” He sighs, looking down at his fingers on the kitchen counter in front of him, playing with the skin around his nails. Before I can tell him to not worry about it and that he has nothing to be sorry for, he continues. “I shouldn’t have mentioned the vacation, it wasn’t my place. I just assumed you knew.” He looks at me, pleading, clearly thinking I’m annoyed with him.

I shake my head lightly, walking over to him. I grab his hands and hold them, stopping him from picking the skin around his nails.

“James, it’s fine. Honest. I didn’t know, but I’m glad you mentioned it. Although it did send me into a bit of a dark hole and I was in a bad way, I’m glad I know now.” I smile at him. “I logged onto Jace’s emails and found the booking. It’s beautiful and just another reminder of how much he loved me. Although that hurts, at the same time, it fills me with love.” I shrug slightly. “It’s hard to explain.”

He nods at me, glancing at our hands, and as I go to pull them away, he grips them and holds them. “You know I will always be here for you, Rylee,” he says, staring into my eyes. I smile politely. I know his way of being a friend, but it feels weird.

“I know.”

“Rylee . . .” There’s venom in a voice to the side of me. Cash is standing there staring at me, then at James, then he looks down at our joint hands.Fuck.

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