Page 40 of Always. Forever.

“I’m sorry, Ry. I’m really sorry for the way I have acted since being here,” he says with pain in his eyes.

It’s not an apology for all the times before, but I don’t care. I don’t have the energy to argue with him anymore and have that constant tension floating around the room every time we are left alone together. We all need each other now, and I know for certain I need him, Boh, and Bridge more than they could ever imagine.

“It’s okay.” I’m not going to say it’s justified or not to worry about it because he has made things harder for not just me but all of us since being here. Now is not the time to bring this up, though. Cash stares at me a second longer, huffing and looking down.

“It’s not, but thank you for being nice about it.” He continues staring at the floor. “You know . . .” he says, pausing for a moment like he’s struggling how to say the next words he wants too. “. . . he loved you like you wouldn’t believe, Rylee. He spoke about you nonstop at work.”

I didn’t expect those words, and they hit me like a truck going 100 mph. The pain laces through my veins like poison, stinging my already aching heart. I knew Jace loved me, I was confident in that, he told me every chance he could but hearing this come from someone else, someone like his dad, it kills me. I literally feel like someone is cutting into my chest and tearing my heart from it. Knowing he won’t be able to tell people he loves me or talk about me again triggers something in me, and even though it’s killing me, I can’t stop the next words.

“Tell me more,” I say on a small whisper. I’m trying not to break down in front of Cash, but I’m finding it hard holding it in right now. I want to know what he said about me when he wasn’t with me, and I want someone to tell me how much he loves me. I want to hear it come out of people’s mouths forever.

“It was rare I would see him walk in work without a smile on his face.” He smiles lightly, looking at me from the side and then up at the sky.

“Yes, he was a happy person, but not always, Rylee. He did go through some times in his life, not long before he met you.” Jace has said odd things about me bringing light into his life when he couldn’t see any. I never questioned it; I was just happy I made him happy.

“Why was he not happy before?” I want to know more about how much he loves me, but I want to know what also made him sad before me. I want to know it all.

He takes a big sigh, his shoulders raising until he drops them.

“I think it was his mom.” I am startled to hear this. I knew little about Jace’s mom as he barely knew anything himself. He told me she left him and Cash when he was just one. It broke my heart when he told me, but he always acted as if he didn’t care. He always said, “How can you care about someone who you never knew or even remember.”

“Jace always acted as if he didn’t care about her?”

“I don’t think he did.” He pauses. “Most of the time.”

Cash reaches into his pocket to pull out another cigarette and lights it. He peers at the ground, kicking tiny stones with his foot.

“He went through a stage, wanting to find her and see why she left. It was a hard time because there is no way she deserved Jace in her life. She was an awful person, and I knew if, and that was a big if, Jace found her, she would hold onto him like a leech and probably bleed him dry. She wasn’t a mother, she was a piece of trash. I didn’t want Jace searching for her and thinking he wasn’t good enough, so I told him the truth about her.”

“What was the truth?” I say, trying to show my eagerness of wanting to know.

“She was a deadbeat, druggy prostitute,” he deadpans.

Chapter Twenty

Myeyesgowide.I never expected Cash to come out with that. Also, I can’t help but think Cash and a prostitute just doesn’t make sense. He is so clean cut and just Cash.

“I . . . I. That’s a shock,” I admit.

Cash nods. “Only family know the truth about her. I was a rebel when I was younger, believe it or not,” he says with a slight smirk. “And stupidly fell in love with a girl who I thought loved me too. Little did I know, she was a money-grabbing whore.” He laughs but it’s a sad laugh.

I don’t know what to say to this. No wonder Jace never told me, he must have been ashamed. I wish he had told me. I would have been there for him.

“When she found out she was pregnant, it was quite late into the pregnancy. She was traumatized, saying she was going to get rid of the baby. I told her over my dead body and that we would raise the baby together. I was over the moon, the girl I loved was pregnant with my baby. What more could a guy want? It soon all came crashing down when she went into a fit of rage and told me why she couldn’t have the baby. She screamed how it would lose her money and how she couldn’t get through the pregnancy without the drugs.” He laughs.

“I was confused at first what she meant about losing money. It’s then she told me everything,” he says, staring at the ground.

“I went and told my parents everything, and at the time, I was heartbroken and scared for my unborn child. They were angry, very angry, but thankfully, they didn’t want her getting an abortion either. I managed to talk her into having the baby and staying off the drugs. She was on twenty-four-hour watch by me and my family. The withdrawals were pretty bad, but she got through it with our help.”

I stay in silence, wanting Cash to finish.

“The day her water broke, I can’t tell you how happy I was.” He smiles bright this time. Like he can see the memories in front of him.

“When Jace was born, the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew what real love was. I knew from that moment I would cherish and love him more than anyone ever could. He was so perfect. Content and fat.” He laughs out the last word.

“Ten pounds, eight ounces. Jace’s mom was in bits of course, but I was ecstatic. I wanted to scream it from the highest mountain that I was a dad.” His smile falls as his head drops.

“The following weeks, months were the happiest I had ever been, but I knew Jace’s mom was back on the drugs, and I also knew she was back out there, sleeping around for money. Weird enough, it was like I didn’t care. She kept attempting to see him while being high as a kite most of the time. It was weird I never noticed how high she was previously, it is true what they say ‘love is blind’ because she was an angel in my eyes. Full of purity.

---