Page 35 of Always. Forever.

“A coffee would be great.”

“Cash said you haven’t eaten anything. I will grab you a sandwich, you need to eat and be strong for when he wakes up,” he says, looking at Jace with a hint of a hope in his eyes.

“I know. A sandwich would be great, thanks, Boh.” Boh nods, heading toward the door.

“Where has Cash gone?” I question before he slips out of the door.

“He just headed out for some fresh air, he will be back soon,” he replies before walking out.

Fresh air sounds like a good idea, but I don’t want to leave Jace on his own. I’ll wait until he’s back, then go get some myself. I slip my hand in Jace’s and bring it up to my mouth, holding my lips to the back of his hand, the warmth of his skin on my lips calms my racing heart. Ten minutes later, Boh walks back in with a tray of coffees and sandwiches. I grab the coffee straight away, needing to feel a hit of energy.

“Are you okay to stay with Jace, I want to get some fresh air too.”

Boh nods. “Of course, Ry. Go get some air, but please eat when you come back.” He looks at me with pleading eyes and then picks up another coffee, holding it out to me. “If you see Cash, will you give this to him, he went out the doors just opposite when you walk out of this room.”

I smile and nod while taking the second cup of coffee.

“Thanks, Boh.”

As I approach the door, a feeling of dread hits me. I turn, looking at Jace. I know he will still be here when I get back, but it feels as though walking out of this door will be the last time I see him. I can’t explain the feeling. I walk back to the bed, and Boh looks up at me, and his shoulders sag a little as if he knows what I’m feeling. I don’t think I can walk out of the room and not have him beside me.

“Ry, he will still be here when you get back.”

I shoot a look to Boh. “I don’t know if I can leave him.” I keep my eyes on Jace, just walking toward the door made me feel like I lost him briefly.

Boh stands up and walks around to where I’m standing and grabs my face in both hands. “Listen to me,” he says, his eyes boring into mine. “Go get some fresh air. Clear your mind, bring that positivity back. He isn’t going anywhere. I will come and grab you if the doctor comes back or anything happens, Ry. He needs you fighting fit for when he wakes.”

Boh is right, I need to get my strength up. When I’m back, I’ll eat and make sure I get some sleep but ask Cash if we can do a sleep routine. I want someone awake at all times. If Jace wakes up, I need someone to be awake and there with him.

I walk toward the door and swing it open. I don’t turn around, knowing if I do, I will never leave until he wakes up. I push through the doors Boh mentioned. I’m pretty sure these are fire doors, but no alarms have gone off yet. The air hits me, and I have to admit, it feels good. It feels like a hit of adrenaline, giving me a sliver of energy I have been needing. I glance right and then left, but I don’t see Cash. I place the coffees down on the ground and crouch on the pavement, letting my butt hit the concrete.

It’s quiet here, it doesn’t feel like I’m in the city. Trees surround the back of the hospital. I would assume this is where people come to smoke. I don’t even smoke, but I could use one right now. I drop my head back against the wall and close my eyes, letting the light breeze whip around my face. Opening my eyes, I squint up at the bright sun peeking out of the clouds, letting myself, for a moment, feel like everything is perfect. It’s not, but it feels good to pretend. Sighing heavily, I stare straight ahead of me, sipping on my coffee. There’s sniffling coming from around the corner, so I stand up and walk over there. Cash is kneeled with his head resting in his hands while his shoulders shake uncontrollably.

“Cash,” I gently whisper.

He looks up with bloodshot eyes. Kneeling in front of him, I hand him the coffee.

“Cash, it’s going to be okay, Jace will be okay.” I say it more for myself than him, if I keep telling myself this, it will come true. It has too.

“Rylee,” he says with a hint of anger, “stop with your delusional thoughts. Jace is in a coma on life support and the doctor has said himself we need to take each day as it comes. My son could fucking die. Do you understand that? Can you comprehend that? You need to wake up and get in the real world, Rylee. I can’t have you around me with all your ‘Jace will be fine,’ you don’t know that!”

He stands up and walks back inside, leaving me in the kneeling position, stunned at his outburst. I sigh, dropping back to the ground. I don’t know what he wants me to say. You have to think positive at a time like this. If you don’t, then how will you get through the days, how will you keep going, knowing one of the most important people in your life may not come back to you. I pull my phone out of my pocket and pull up Toni’s number, if anyone will make me feel better, it will be her. Toni picks up on the first ring.

“Rylee!” she shouts.

“He-ey,” I reply, crumbling just from hearing her voice.

I try my hardest to relay everything to Toni through our breaks of crying. I’m trying to stay positive but saying it out loud, repeating what the doctor said is harder than I thought. Toni sniffles on the other end. We stay on the phone in silence for minutes, but it feels like hours, listening to each other cry. Toni never realizes she is my safe space, even sitting with her in silence or on the other end of the phone in silence heals me in a way she will never understand.

“Jace will fight for you, Ry,” Toni says, breaking the silence.

“I hope he does. If he doesn’t, I don’t know how I’m going to get through life, Ton.” We fall back into comfortable silence again. There are so many things going around in my head, so many questions I can’t ask, that can’t be answered. I know Toni will have questions, but she doesn’t push or ask, knowing I can’t answer them. I just hope when Jace wakes up he can finally explain what’s happening and why he took the drugs.

Chapter Seventeen

BridgewasbackwhenI got back to the room. She watched me to ensure I took every bite of the sandwich. I was starving but as soon as I finished it, I felt like I could throw it back up. I managed to keep it down, but I don’t think I could handle anything bigger for the time being.

Bridge mentioned I should go home for the night, but I shut that down before she could continue. If I struggled being out of the room for twenty minutes, I can’t even imagine how I would feel if I were away for a whole night. I also can’t bring myself to tell her I can’t bear to step foot in the apartment without Jace. Knowing he won’t be there, it won’t feel right.

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