Page 110 of Worth the Risk

Being inside her tonight was like a dream—one I’ve had often throughout the years. I couldn’t believe she let me in. She’s everything I remember and more. I felt more myself in that pool with her than I have in the past five years.

As the week went on, my desire for her grew until it was almost unbearable. Every brush brought my dick to attention, but it wasn’t just sexual attraction I felt. It was the old need of wanting to be in her space and having her in mine. It was the comfort we had together before. Even something as simple as holding her hand seemed to ground me from the sudden turn my life has taken.

She asked about my tattoo.Does she know how much I loved her then, even when she broke me? And if she was drugged, am I able to get over it if she still had sex with Nash?The thoughts have my head ready to explode.

Opening the refrigerator to grab a beer, I pause.

Something clicks in my head with my last thoughts.

Hurrying to my barroom at the far end of the penthouse, I study the liquor I have stored there. Picking up the bourbon, I stare at it as if it might have the answers to the questions invading my thoughts. I’ve not picked up this bottle in almost five years. It sat there like a bad omen. Not sure why I never threw it out—maybe it was a reminder of my regret from that night. It used to be my drink of choice until what happened with Amber.

That whole situation still doesn’t make sense to me. Then I think about what Kylie accused Amber of with the drugs, and images of Amber being there come to me. It’s as if this line of thought has opened ideas of my own.

Amber got me drinks that night. Could she have slipped me something?

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I do a little research, typing into my search barWhat drugs can make you aroused?

Two drugs come up—cocaine and ecstasy. I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve fucked on cocaine, but what happened with Amber felt different from that hookup.

Searching the effects of ecstasy, I don’t like what I find. Amber showed me pictures of Nash and Kylie and told me they were together. I was so pissed I should have been breaking the walls down. Instead, I was angry but also aroused for the first time in months. The sensitivity of her hand on me spurred on my erection, my physical energy climbing. I felt intoxicated, but I had drunk more than that before to even get a buzz. I had built up quite a tolerance.

Is this how Kylie or Nash felt? Knowing something wasn’t right but not being able to explain it.

Fuck.She could have done the same to me, and the thought alone makes me want to vomit. I woke up the next morning not having any of the sensations I had the night before. I only wanted her the fuck out of my place.Did she show me those pictures to up her ante on getting me in bed?

Everything is coming together so fast in my head.Did Kylie feel this chaos of emotions when she came to this conclusion?A strong sense of violation hits me hard, not only for me but for what she may have done to Kylie as well.

“Fuck,” I bellow. Lifting the bottle of bourbon, I slam it hard into a trash can, glass breaking and liquor spraying everywhere with the putrid smell of the liquor hitting my nostrils. Turning, I see Kylie standing at the doorway with her eyes wide. I hastily rush past her and into the hallway bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

Sweat beads on my forehead with these thoughts swirling around in my head, the images of that night smacking me in the face, seeing Amber kneeling in front of me while rubbing me, looking up and studying my reactions to what she was doing. Her recognition of how hard I was while she rubbed me, she took that as a green light to take my erection out and put her mouth on it.

Could that be why I didn’t stop her?

I lift the toilet lid and dry heave into it.

After what seems like forever, I sit on the floor and lean my sweaty body against the wall. This could simply be my mind playing tricks on me with all the revelations Kylie believes.

Knocking on the door takes me out of my inner ramblings.

“Is everything okay?” I slowly stand at the sound of Kylie’s voice. “I thought I heard you vomiting. Are you sick?”

Recalling what she witnessed, I try to gather myself. “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.” I splash some water on my face and dry it with the hand towel. Then I take some mouthwash from the cabinet, rinse, and spit. I need to push these thoughts out of my mind, or I’ll go crazy.

When I open the door, Kylie is standing in the doorway with concern on her face. “Are you okay?” My first thought is that she can’t ever find out what happened with Amber. Any headway we’ve made will be ruined.

But as quickly as I have the thought, I know I have to tell her. Not telling her about Beth is what set this train wreck into motion. Now I have Riley to consider. I’m not going to put it off like I did before and risk making this situation worse.

Taking Kylie’s small hand into my sweaty one, I guide her into the living room. She sits on the sectional, and I sit next to her. Her eyes are full of questions. “I have something I need to talk to you about, Kylie. I held something back before, and because of that, I lost four years of my daughter’s life. But I need you to hear me out.”

She is clearly scared about what I need to tell her as her hand slightly trembles in mine, and I’m not sure how to even go about explaining everything that’s moving around in my head. Thoughts and feelings have come to the surface that are horrible to imagine, and it hits me that if she felt this way believing what she does, then she went through this mindfuck alone. If any of this is true, then I left her alone to come to terms with this violation, and I wasn’t there for her. I hate myself at this moment.

“You’re scaring me, Leo.” Her soft voice breaks me out of my disturbing thoughts.

Hell, I’m scaring myself.I feel violated if what I’m imagining is true.

Deep down, it’s the only thing that makes sense.

“I don’t mean to scare you.”

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