Page 92 of Do-Over with my Ex

Sure as shit not in the forest that night when I’d finally managed to get signal and call my brother.

Fuck.

I had a lot of fixing to do. I just hoped it wasn’t too late. If it was, then I would do what my mom had suggested.

I would fight for the woman I loved because I loved Celine. I’d loved her from day one, and the chances were I would love her until the day that I died.

Whether she was at my side or not, that wouldn’t change, but all things being equal, I wanted her by my side for the rest of my life.

29

CELINE

“Whatareyoudoing?”Ava asked when she walked into Noah’s office and found me behind the laptop. “I thought Noah was in here. Where the hell is he?”

“I don’t know,” I said absently, staring at the screen.

“Is everything okay?” Ava asked.

“Yeah… I think I want to do this.”

“What is it?” Ava asked and walked around the desk to see the screen. I pointed and let Ava read.

“What is this?” Ava asked again after she read through it all. “I don’t get it.”

“I think I want to go hiking,” I said.

Ava shook her head. “I’m still not following.”

I laughed. “Come on, don’t be like that. I think it could be cool. This tour isn’t just a hike, it’s a survival course, and then you learn about all kinds of cool shit like endangered species and exotic birds and whatever.”

“This is in Brazil,” Ava said.

“Yeah, the Amazon,” I said. “That’s kind of the only place I’ll find the Amazon.”

Ava shook her head. “Are you okay? I mean, is this because of the fall? If you’re struggling with trauma, there are other ways to deal—”

“I’m not traumatized and trying to face my fears, Ava,” I said. “I’m just so sick and tired of being no one and doing nothing with my life. I invest in all these charities, but for what? I don’t even know what half of them are for. If I can do something like this and invest inthat, it will mean so much more.”

“But this is camping and hiking. Out in the bush. Forweeks.”

“I know,” I said, nodding.

Ava struggled to wrap her mind around it, and I guess I understood why. I’d always been the type of person to want the best of the best—luxury all the way, room service, five-star restaurants. I’d always wanted the best money could buy, but lately, I’d been thinking about what it all meant.

“The truth is,” I said to Ava, “if I’d died in the mountains after that fall, no one would have missed me.”

“That’s not true,” Ava said firmly. “You know that’s not true. What about Noah? What about me, your parents, the kids, your friends…”

“I mean nothing, Ava. I’ve done nothing. I don’t have anything to show for my existence, and if I keep walking the road I was born to walk, that won’t change. I don’t want that to happen. When I was out there with Lorenzo…” I swallowed hard. Saying his name physically hurt. “How many people out there get lost and don’t make it out? How many things could I have done differently if I’d only known better, known how to survive?”

Ava sat on the edge of Noah’s desk. “What happened to you guys was a freak accident. It’s not something that happens all the time.”

“No, but I want to know how to live. I want to empower myself so that if I’m away from my cushy hotel rooms and perfect meals, I can still live a life that’s worth it. I want to learn new things, Ava. I want to do something that matters. I don’t know what that is yet, but this is a start.”

Ava kept shaking her head. “I just don’t think that going back to the wilderness after what happened is the answer. It’s not your thing, Celine. You don’tlikecamping.”

“You know what? It’s really not that bad.”

---