Page 8 of Heart of a Rebel

Making decisions on wishbones.

Thinking on adrenaline

Burning tracks in our skin

Rendered unstoppable

But we are flesh

Nothing more

Nothing less

It rots, it scrapes, it burns, it breaks

We are, we are, we are

Human mistakes

We are flesh

Nothing more

Nothing less

They'll take, and take, and take, and take

We are, we are, we are

Bound to break”

When I hear our songs live, sometimes I wonder where they came from, even knowing I wrote half of them. They sound like pieces peeking through some kind of darkness inside me, and I wonder who else hears them. It makes me wonder who I really am. Because our fans always seem to think I’m strong but inside emptiness echoes.

“What the fuck, Rome?” Sebastian stops singing and the music cuts out.

With his words, my trance breaks and I open my eyes, blinking reality back into focus. I’m met with the sight of Adrian’s den, where we’ve been practicing all day. Sebastian stands directly in front of Rome with an annoyed expression.

“What?” Rome shrugs a shoulder, but he’s wearing that smug grin that’s always getting him in trouble.

Sebastian tips the microphone at him. “You’re playing this fucking song differently every time.”

“Would you rather I figure out how I want it to sound now, or in the middle of the showcase?” Rome taps his fingers against his guitar and levels Sebastian with a glare.

“What are you still figuring out?”

Rome narrows his eyes, but somehow, they still manage to hold the wickedness brought on by his smile. “Not sure, hence the figuring.”

Sebastian tips his head back, annoyed. It’s been a long day and the guys are on edge. I should have expected it at this point. We can only practice for so long before one of us is bound to start arguing with the others.

We fight like siblings.

It doesn’t matter that Sebastian and I are the only two related by blood, we are all family seeing as the band is the only real family any of us are willing to acknowledge at this point.

Sebastian and I have been independent most of our lives. When our mom wasn’t using, she was in jail, so she wasn’t winning any awards for mother of the year. She didn’t show up at back-to-school nights or care if we had a permanent address. She cared about drugs, and we’ve mostly been an inconvenience to her. That or a reminder of our absent father.

Then, there’s Rome. He doesn’t talk about his family much, not even to us. Only enough for me to know his mom is dead and his dad is an abusive asshole who should be in prison for the things he’s done. At seventeen, Rome moved out and started crashing on our couch, and as far as I know, that’s the last time he saw any of his blood relatives.

Noah is the only one in the band who actually has a family that appears well-adjusted. He grew up in the rich part of town, going to the best schools, and was part of the church choir. He had the white-picket-fence childhood with two parents and a handful of siblings. But ever since he joined the band, there’s been a rift forming between him and them, and with every passing day it widens. They don’t approve of the band or the fact that he wants to pursue music. And even if Noah’s got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met, all they do is resent it.

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